Agony of Affection Axel's POV
by levana lachrimae
Summary: When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but after secret deals and lost memories, will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? Warning: Involves physical/sexual abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**: When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? Warning: Involves physical/sexual abuse.

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

**A/N: Alright, as promised, here it is. Chapter 1 of "Agony of Affection" in Axel's POV. I'm going to try to get the timing right on this, but I might have to stick in additional chapters here and there, or combine two in one somewhere. There's a lot more information in this one that I left out, accidentally or purposely, so hopefully this will help fill in the gaps.**

T. Town High School. This is probably the worst one I'd been to, but this is where _he _had ended up. I'd finally managed to track him down to Twilight Town, after an entire year of searching. I had just about given up hope of ever seeing Roxas again, and the thought of continuing my existance without him almost made me die inside. I was so close now, having been enrolled in this school for about a week now, though this was my first official day of class. I had been in and out of offices and classrooms over the past week while the administrators were setting things up for me, but I hadn't even caught a glimpse of him.

Now I was here, sitting in this drab cafeteria and watching everyone scurry around like rats, but much less organized. Everyone was excited about something, it seemed. In any case, the guys at the table across from the one I sat at - alone - were all talking about how they were going to own some nameless "faggot." I shuddered at the word, having had it directed at me several times in the course of my pitiful "life."

According to the gossip that was circulating around faster than lightning, some boy had recently broken up with his boyfriend, then went around telling everyone who would listen that the ex-boyfriend was gay. Apparently, people knew that this guy Hayner was bisexual and appeared to be completely okay with it. There were also several other gay and lesbian couples in the school, who were staying completely out of the hype, that no one was even phased by, which meant that the fact that this boy was gay wasn't the reason everyone was acting out this way. From what I'd gathered in eavesdropping, the boy in question had always been a main subject of bullying and general torment for most of the school ever since he had first stopped being homeschool back during the ninth grade. I suppose that they were just happy to have something else to hold over his head. These guys were planning to humiliate him in front of most of the school. (Axel's note: Eavesdropping should only be attempted under circumstances when you are certain no one will catch you, and should never be attempted by idiots.)

I had half a mind to give those guys what was coming to them faster than karma could spit, but I decided to stay out of it. I hadn't caused much trouble at all, and people were generally leaving me alone, which was how I preferred it. I wasn't about to go and draw attention to myself by making those iconically popular young men look like gutless fools. Even though I took personal offense at their insults, and wasn't one to stand idly by while an innocent person was being tormented, it wouldn't do me, or that boy, any good to get involved. It wasn't my fight, so I wasn't about to start something today.

I looked up as a young blond boy who had obviously been crying walked into the lunch room. In my experience with high school lunch rooms, it takes quite a bit to calm a rowdy crowd chock full of hormonal teenagers. It could be accomplished easily by the apocalypse, an announcement that Jesus Christ was doing the macarena in the parking lot, an alien invasion, or an angry Mr. Quimby (I shuddered at that memory), whichever came first. However, unless this boy was the supposed son of Almighty God (or an alien, which would be much more of a possibility), I never would have thought that he could've done the trick. As soon as that boy entered the lunch room, the entire crowd went as silent as a pile of bones (unless of course the pile of bones wanted to do the macarena with Jesus).

Then I took a closer look at the blond boy and realized, with wide eyes and the first real beat of my heart in a year, that it was _my _blond boy. He was dressed almost entirely in black-and-white, his perfectly spiky, and gorgeous, blond hair in disarray. I lifted my hand to my chest, overjoyed at being so close to him after all this time.

"Roxas," I whispered.

There was no doubt that it was him. It was my Roxas. It was incredibly difficult to restrain myself from jumping up, leaping across the room, and pulling him back into my arms. The only thing that did stop me was the assurance that if I did such a thing, I would definitely scare him away. I knew that he'd had his memories tampered with, and undoubtedly wouldn't remember me. He wouldn't take kindly to some crazy random guy he thought he'd never even met rushing to him and stealing him away. Then I remembered that it was him, _my _Roxas, that had been the cause of the mysterious silence.

The only sound that could be heard was that of the air vents until one of the previously mentioned mistakes of nature stood and shouted, "Hey faggot, heard you got dumped. Want me to make ya feel better?" He then proceeded to make a very obscene gesture involving his pelvic area.

The crowd responded to this by becoming overwhelmed with bouts of insane laughter. A few people in the crowd attempted more obscene gestures, wolf whistles, and other snide comments directed toward the now very distraught blond boy. _My _distraught blond boy, who now had fresh tears welling up in his big, beautiful blue eyes that then spilled out unchecked onto flushed cheeks. His face was beet red and his entire frame was trembling. He pushed his way back out of the lunch room, trying to flee the taunts and the laughter.

I watched him go with a tremendous weight on my heart. I didn't want him to leave my sight again. I wanted to run after him, to hold him close to me, and to tell him that everything would be okay, that I was there for him now and I'd never let him go again. But I couldn't do that. I would have to approach him very carefully.

_First things first, then_, I thought, my mouth twisting into a sneer. _No one hurts my Roxas and lives_.

I sipped my drink (which happened to be orange juice) in a very nonchallant way, waiting for the laughter, shouts, and hoots to dull down. _Alrighty, Axel_, I thought. _You've had a good run. Now it's time to start some shit_. I downed my drink. _Try not to get sent to jail this time._

**A/N: So sorry it took so long to update! Hopefully now I'll be able to write and post more frequently. I wanted to get this done first; it just felt right. So, for all of you waiting for the sequel to the original AoA, IT WILL BE DONE as soon as I'm finished with this. I've already begun to write it, so you should be getting the beginning of it soon after the end of this. So sorry, once again, for the wait. Things have been hectic. I've been homeless for a while, and only just got back on my feet, all the while still struggling to keep up my grades in college, because my semester's tuition had already been paid. I've also been battling with mental issues... yeah... fun... One hospitalization, several pills, and a lot of time later, here I am, stabalized and ready to entertain you. Thanks so much for reading. Constructive criticism?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary**: When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? **Warning:** Involves physical/sexual abuse.

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

When the bell rang, dismissing everyone to their first class, I stopped the boy who had shouted at Roxas first. His friends, a burly brunette who wore a red wife-beater that showed off his extreme tan, and a thinner blond who had torn off the right leg of his jeans at the knee, glared at me as if I had some kind of deadly disease that they would contract if they touched me. I didn't care. They didn't even know how dangerously thin the ice was beneath their feet. One wrong move, and they'd fall to their death. The only thing holding me back at that moment was the fact that if I hurt this punk now, I wouldn't get to check on Roxas. He was my priority.

I stared the group down and said, "I suppose you think that was incredibly funny."

The boy I stopped started to choke up, saying, "It was. Did you not see the look on that fag's face?"

"I did," I remarked, barely resisting the urge to punch this kid square in the jaw. "It didn't look like he found it funny at all."

"Geez, who are you, his mom?" the blond asked.

"You need to back off, ya' know?" said the bulky guy, crossing his arms in front of his chest and tightening his biceps.

"I just don't find people's emotional pain something to laugh at," I said, grabbing the first boy by the collar of his sleeveless white trench coat. "You'd better watch yourself, kid."

"Is that a threat?" he asked, tilting his head and shoving me away. "You're not seriously threatening me are you?" he asked, holding his arms out in a "try me" gesture.

"Why are you defending him anyway?" asked the blond.

"Don't bother, Tidus," said the apparent leader of this group. "If he wants to throw in his lot with that loser, let him." He advanced toward me, stopping less than a foot away from me. "We'll beat him down just as hard."

_Keep your cool_, Axel, I told myself. _He'll get his soon enough_.

"Piss off," he said when I didn't respond aloud.

I shoved my way past all three of them before stalking off in the general direction of the main school building. I heard the three of them laugh halfheartedly as I turned my back on them, but I ignored them. It did me no good to force a confrontation now. I had a plan and I was sticking to it. Besides, there were cameras all over the place and my main priority right now was Roxas. Getting myself wrapped up in this mess too soon wouldn't do him any good either. I had to find him, to know that he was alright. He'd already been through enough.

I hid in a storage closet when the tardy bell rang, staying there until I was relatively certain that no one would be roaming the halls. Then, I began my search, finding a whole lot of nothing. The school wasn't incredibly large, and there weren't many places for someone to hide, but Roxas continued to elude me almost for the entire hour.

I made my way quietly down the hallway toward the stairs leading to the library. Once there, I noticed a slight gap between the stairs and the continuing hallway. This was basically the only place I hadn't checked, so I inspected it, finding another hall leading to the librarian's office. Directly opposite that door was a water fountain. It certainly wouldn't make a very good place to hide, unless he was friends with the librarian (which I wouldn't doubt) and was hiding in her office. I decided to check it anyway.

As I walked past the stairs, I heard a small gasp from under them. I paused, not wanting to simply crouch and look under them. If I did that, I'd probably scare the poor boy to death. I needed a plausible excuse to be searching the stairs. I looked around, smiling when I saw the doorstop for the office door jutting out from the wall, fairly close to the stairs.

I went to the water fountain and took a drink, needing an excuse to be down here in the first place. Then, I managed to convincingly trip over the doorstop and "drop" the notebook I was holding in such a way that it slid under the stairs.

I breathed a curse, trying to make the accident convincing, and went to stand next to the stairs, saying, "Excuse me, whoever you are hiding under there, would you mind sliding out my notebook for me?"

There was no sound from under the stairs this time. For a moment, I thought that maybe I had made a mistake in hearing him gasp, but then I crouched to see Roxas, practically curled up into a ball, pressed into the corner as much as he could possibly be. His hair and, well, the entire top half of his body was damp. It occurred to me that someone must have dunked him, which pissed me off to no end. Maybe bottling up my anger like this would be a good thing. I'll just be more fuel for the fire, so to speak, when I finally _do _give those boys what they deserved.

I managed not to show any sign of my rage as I smirked and said, "Please?"

His eyes widened and his lips parted slightly when he saw me. I was awestruck at the wonder in those sparkling blue eyes, but once again managed not to show it. I thought for a moment that, maybe, he might have recognized me, but that thought was crushed when he closed his eyes and looked away, sliding my notebook across the dusty floor.

"Thanks," I said, taking my notebook. "I'm not about to ask you what you're doing hiding here, cuz I think I can guess. You're the boy from the lunch room this morning."

I could see the shock and humiliation clear on his face as he shut his eyes tight, drew up his knees, and nodded. He probably thought I was going to make fun of him, and he definitely didn't want me seeing him like this. I wanted him to be able to trust me again. I was already having to resist the urge to rush up to him, wrap my arms around him, and tell him how much I'd missed him and how much I love him, even after so long. After all this time spent searching, when he was finally close enough to touch, I was still just as powerless to reach him. No matter how much I wished it to be different, I was nothing but a stranger to those eyes.

I tried to make him feel better by gently asking, "They always give you such a hard time?"

He became very tense, his knuckles turning white as he said in a small, cracked voice, "It wasn't like this before."

The sound of his voice, so weak and broken, brought tears to my eyes. I sighed, blinking them away as I asked, "Do you know who outed you?"

"I can guess," he said. I wished I _had _punched the guy that had called him out this morning when I saw even more tears streaming down his hollow cheeks.

I was about to ask him if he wanted me to confirm his suspicion when he cut me off, "Please leave me alone."

I sighed and looked away, fighting back stronger tears but showing no outward sign of that fact. I should have known he wouldn't want to talk about it. It made sense that he didn't trust me. He probably didn't have anyone he could trust at all. I understood that they'd put him here to protect him, but I didn't think it was proper at all to leave him here with absolutely no support.

Wanting to show him that he could, in fact, trust me, I said, "First period is about to get out. I know you don't want to, but you should probably go to your classes today." He opened his mouth to protest as I continued, "They'll be less likely to hurt you in class with the teacher there to witness it. If someone else finds you here... they might not be so nice with no witnesses around." God only knows what they would do, and I was sure neither of us wanted to find out.

I saw him twitch at my words, but he didn't reply or make a move to come out of hiding.

"I know what it's like to be brutally outed," I said as I stood.

I could see the surprise in his face as he looked up at me. I bent over so I could look him in the eye as I said, "You're not a freak." I hoped he could see that I meant it. Roxas had told me that he thought he was a freak soon after we first met. I knew that he was probably thinking something along those lines now, and I wanted to reassure him, just like I had then. No one should deserve to feel freakish because of who they are.

I walked away, hoping that he would take my words to heart, but not expecting so. Why would he listen to anything a stranger said? The thought stung me like an arrow. I would get him to remember me... somehow.

**A/N: So I'm not really exactly pleased with this chapter... but, here it is. The next one's going to be better, but it might be a while before I can upload it. In a tragic accident involving a kitten, the flash drive onto which I had saved these chapters was broken, but I still have the hard copies I had hand-written. As soon as I get a new flash drive, I can begin uploading again. Thankies for reading. Questions, comments, and constructive criticism? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary: **When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? **Warning: **Involves physical/sexual abuse.

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

* * *

><p>Throughout the rest of the day, I listened out for anyone talking about Roxas. I was relieved to hear that not many people were saying malicious things about him. It seemed that most people actually felt quite sympathetic toward him. Of course, if they were asked outright what they thought of him, they would play the bully and agree with anything the more popular people said. I was disappointed that so many people would try to earn their status in such a way. Was there no one that would actively stick up for him?<p>

I saw Roxas a few times throughout the day, though mainly just passing by him in the hallways. He kept his head down, not making eye contact with anyone. I could tell that he was still quite upset, and also frightened, but at least he was going to class. I shuddered at the thought of Seifer Almasy or Rai Jin (the two people who seemed to be the most involved with his misery) finding him under those stairs. I wanted to speak up in my sixth period gym class (which I happened to have with both of them), but I knew that it would most likely turn into a... rather heated argument and I didn't want to get expelled for burning down another school building.

They were going on about rigging a basketball game by asking Coach Almasy to assign Roxas to one of the key positions. It pissed me off that they were planning to humiliate him again, but there was nothing I could do about it without risking setting off my fiery temper. I figured I'd leave it alone. It was just a game after all, and if events progressed like I hoped, Roxas wouldn't have to put up with these bastards very much longer.

I ended up leaving sixth period early, running an errand for the coach. I was so ready to get the school day over with that when the bell rang to dismiss the students, I drove home without a second thought. Only when I was parked in my driveway and about to go inside did I realize that I had left my belongings in my gym locker back at school. I glanced at my watch and sighed. It was nearly five thirty. It would take me approximately an hour by car to get back to the school and the gym would most likely already be locked. I could have just portalled there, but I knew that the school was filled with cameras and I would rather be caught breaking-and-entering by conventional means than be caught doing anything that could be deemed supernatural. I sighed, backed out of my driveway, and grudgingly drove back to the school.

The gym was, in fact, locked when I got there, but after a little snooping, I found a beautiful little blind spot with a side door that didn't have a deadbolt and a minute with a few pins took care of that. I had to pick another lock to get into the main part of the building, but I didn't think anyone would have the skills to discover my breaking and entering. I felt right at home slinking through the shadows to the other side of the dark gymnasium. There was nothing more peaceful than an abandoned school-ground after dark. Or so I thought.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I found when I entered the boys' locker room. I felt myself start to shake when I saw Roxas lying in the corner, the bruises on his back prominent against his pallor. He tensed up when he heard me come in. I tried to control my emotions as I walked toward him, stopping when I was close enough to touch him. Seeing him like this... It took every bit of my self-control to keep from scooping him into my arms, taking him home, and just holding him close. The only thing that really stopped me was the thought that, if I did that, he would most likely become even more distraught, not knowing who I was and would only succeed in harming him further.

I took a second to collect myself before I bent down and tried to pull him away from the corner, but he began to tremble so violently, obviously scared out of his mind, that I couldn't keep ahold of him. He curled up into a tight ball when I let go of him. I replaced my hands on his shoulders, trying once again to pull him out of the corner.

The words that came out of his mouth then almost put me in a fury, "No! Please don't fuck me. I'll be a good boy. Please!" He sounded... broken.

I tried to tell him that I was here to help, but he couldn't hear me through his cries. As gently as I could, I put my hand over his mouth. I knew that would scare him, but I had to get him to quiet down so he would listen to me. "Shh," I said as nicely as I could. "I'm not gonna hurt you."

I took my hand away from his mouth, this time successfully pulling him away from the corner. When I turned him toward me, I was almost unable to keep my expression from betraying my vortex of emotion. There were bruises and welts all along his torso. I also noticed bruising on his wrists. His eyes were swollen and red from crying. I silently cursed whoever did this and hoped they were smart enough to keep away from me when I saw the drying seminal fluids on his face and chest. He turned away, hiding his face from me.

"Are you okay?" I asked, trying to be as calm as possible, though I was far from it.

He chuckled slightly and said in a strangled voice, "No, not really."

Pulling my knees up, I asked, "You wanna talk about it?" I knew what his response was going to be.

"No. Not really," he repeated with a frown.

"Okay," I said, running my fingers through my hair. I was debating with myself why I should _not _go strangle whoever did this (and I had a good idea who did) right now. I decided that Roxas needed more immediate attention and I could go to prison for murder later.

"You wanna shower?" I asked, looking him over again. He definitely needed one.

He looked down at himself, apparently deciding the same thing, and said, "I should."

"Okay," I said, nodding to the showers. "I'll be here when you get back."

After nodding, he tried to get up, winced, and fell back down.

"Do you..." I cleared my throat. "Do you need help?"

He winced and said, "Probably... but... uh..."

Figuring where his thoughts were going, I asked, "Do you think you can wash yourself without help if I get you to a shower?"

He sighed, obviously relieved, and said, "Yes."

"Alright then," I said, getting up. "Upsy daisy."

I lifted him off the floor, trying not to jolt him too much, and carried him into the shower. He relaxed a bit as I was carrying him, but tensed again as I went to put him down. I realized that it was probably his body's response to the familiarity of mine. When I had him in my arms, I hadn't wanted to put him down either. I turned the water on for him before politely leaving him to clean himself.

As I was waiting for him to finish showering, I went over a list of reasons why murder was a bad idea. In this situation, I couldn't think of very many. I swore, however, that when I found out for sure who had done this, I would spend every waking hour making their lives hell and inflict Roxas' pain on them a thousandfold.

It hurt me to the core to see him like this... again. He'd been hurt so much already. He didn't need a bunch of sick, homophobic, teenagers ruining his life, fake or not. If they had taken him... no one in the worlds could stop me from throwing them into the deepest depths of darkness and leaving them to rot.

Before I could begin to list all the colorful things I could do to achieve maximum torment, I heard Roxas say, "Uh... Excuse me? I'm done."

I went in and shut the water off, looking him over. It wasn't as if I had been expecting the bruises to wash away, but seeing them still there made me promise myself once more to do a thousand times worse to anyone who had ever laid a hand on him. The shower had definitely helped, but he still looked like he was in shock. My eyes grazed over him once more as I reached for a towel, unable to keep from noticing the way the water made his shorts cling to his shape.

I blinked, clearing my throat before handing him the towel. God only knows what had happened to him in this room just now, and yet here I was thinking about how hot he looked in wet gym shorts? _Get a grip, Axel_.

It occurred to me that he might need a ride home (because I wasn't about to let him drive himself anywhere like this), so I fished my phone out of my pocket and asked, "Do you want me to call someone for you?"

He looked at the cell phone in my hand and his eyes widened. "No," he said immediately. There was a nervous look in his eye that made me just a bit more concerned. I raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask about it as I put my phone away.

Sighing, I asked if he wanted me to drive him.

He closed his eyes and said, "Yeah." He looked worried, which was certainly understandable. His eyes popped open and he asked for the time.

"Almost seven," I said after checking.

He paused, scrunching his eyebrows. "What are you doing on campus at this time?"

"I left my backpack in my gym locker sixth period," I said innocently. "I only noticed after I'd already gotten home. So I came back to get it." No need to tell him I broke in to do so.

"Oh..." he said. "What's your name?"

I smirked, realizing that of course he wouldn't know my name, and said, "Axel."

"Roxas," he said in reply.

I resisted the urge to say, "I know," and said instead, "Well, Roxas, I'd imagine you're ready to leave?"

He worried at his lip and nodded. I lifted him into my arms again before grabbing my backpack out of the nearby locker and carrying him out to my car, making sure to lock the doors I had opened behind me.

"Thank you, Axel," he said as I was about to set him in the car.

I paused, not sure how to answer before saying simply, "Sure thing."

He looked incredibly tired as I drove him home. The only thing keeping him awake at this point was his need to get home.

I didn't miss his sigh when I finally pulled up in front of his house. Inside the house, I could hear an argument taking place. Well, it sounded less like an argument and more like... a stampede.

After someone inside threw something out the window, I looked at him and asked, "Are you sure you want to go home?"

"Not entirely," he said, biting his nails. "But where else would I go?"

"You could stay in the guest bedroom at my house," I said with a shrug. I didn't feel very comfortable leaving an emotionally and physically traumatized boy... here, and it would give me an excuse to keep him close to me, even if only for one night.

"What would your parents say?" he asked.

I chuckled and said, "Well... I don't think they'd have much to say at all considering they're dead."

He looked mortified as he said, "Oh I'm sor-"

"Don't be," I said, waving off his comment. "Dad died before I was born. Mom died in childbirth. I have no memory of either of them. Why would I miss someone I never met?" Technically, that was true. It was what had happened to my... to Lea's parents... before _he_ became _this_.

"That makes some kind of eerie sense," he said, trying to wrap his mind around what I'd told him.

"Hmm," I smirked. I supposed it did, at that. "So... you staying here or coming with me?"

"I'll go with you," he said. He glanced over at his house, worry clear in his eyes. It made me wonder about his supposed home life.

I pulled away from his house, going in the opposite direction toward mine. He tried to stay awake for the ride, but he was soon lulled to sleep by the motion of the car. I noticed him shivering a few times, so I turned the heat on. When it didn't immediately help, I glanced over at him, making sure he was sleeping soundly. When I was sure that he wouldn't wake, I placed my hand on his chest, sending warmth with my touch. He smiled in his sleep and relaxed into the seat. He didn't shiver again.

Roxas stirred slightly when I lifted him out of the car, but went right back to sleep. I carried him in to the guest bedroom and was about to leave him there to sleep when I realized that he was still wearing wet gym shorts. They had to be uncomfortable, and he would certainly suffer the dampness. I scampered upstairs to my bedroom, grabbing a spare pair of pajama bottoms before returning to the guest bedroom. Now for the tricky part.

I felt bad about invading his privacy like this, but he was sleeping soundly and I was loathe to wake him. Besides, it wasn't like I'd never seen him before, though he surely didn't remember. I pulled the rim of his shorts down, watching the water trail on his slender, prominent hip bones. I closed my eyes when I uncovered a thatch of blond curls, quickly pulling the shorts the rest of the way off. I made sure to keep my eyes on his feet as I replaced his shorts with my dry, cotton pajama bottoms. Averting my eyes became a bit tricky when I had to lift his hips slightly to get them all the way up. He deserved his privacy at this point, even from me.

I managed to dress him without too much indignity, and was about to leave once more when I remembered his abused state. I figured I should check him for broken bones or any other sort of permanent damage. It would be easier to work his joints while he was sleeping anyway. I began a head-to-toe assessment, beginning with his skull. It was fine for the most part, though I could feel a slight dent where it had been cracked once before. From there, I worked the joints in his arms, stopping with his left arm. The shoulder had been quite recently dislocated, but had already healed. I felt a previously healed break at his elbow, and another previously healed spiral fracture in his forearm. These had all healed only a few months ago at the latest. The wrist moved a little _too _easily. I could tell it had been snapped before, but it had, once again, long since healed... wrong. It could probably never be properly reset, even if it were broken again.

The last thing I noticed about this arm was the underside of the forearm. I ran my hand along the criss-crossing, self-inflicted scars. Some of them looked years old. I'd known about those, but there were so many more now. Others were more recent, but still old. I'd say a year, which would put them right at the point he was moved here. Thankfully, I didn't see anything fresh. However, there was one on his wrist that bothered me. This was the most prominent scar on his arm. It had cut the deepest, and it was the most recent, still maybe almost a year old. It was about an inch and a half long and followed his artery straight down. A suicide attempt. From a year ago...

I took a deep breath, still holding his wrist. I wondered if any of his so-called friends knew about this. Had they even tried to stop him? He was still alive, so obviously someone got him help. I thought about it for a while. His suicide attempt, and most of his scars, approximately coincided with the time of his escape from the Organization. DiZ had gotten a hold of him fairly soon after, and brought him here. That wouldn't have given him the time to inflict all of these scars, or try to kill himself. He must have done these very soon after he came to Twilight Town. This gave me the hope that, maybe he did remember me. Something made him do this, some real emotion behind the false memories. If that was the case, I was glad I got to him when I did. I knew the signs. I would keep watch.

I continued my assessment, moving to his torso. I barely had to feel for his bones. They were all so prominent. He was seriously underweight, which only added to my suspicions of his home life. Were they feeding him properly? It certainly didn't look like it. I sighed and continued.

Once again, I noted that something traumatic recently happened with his left arm. His left clavicle bone jutted out much more than it should have, a sign that it had been dislocated and not properly set. It was obvious that he had not been taken to a hospital after the incident. Maybe someone didn't want anyone knowing how he had been injured. Taking note of the injuries, it was safe to assume that someone had, quite forcefully, twisted his arm behind his back.

The thought made me grit my teeth. Who would even think about purposefully damaging him? Other than the sick fuck back home, of course, and no way was _he_ ever touching him again. I looked down at his face as he slept. Had there not been a bruise there, it would have been a very beautiful sight. He looked so innocent, and the fact that someone had marred that innocence made me want to puke. How could anyone see him as anything other than beautiful and pure? Other people would have looked at him and seen bruises, scars, and breaks. I looked at him and I saw a beautiful youth who's been beaten and taken advantage of too many times. I saw the pain behind the scars, and I wanted to take away that pain.

Putting aside my thoughts, I finished my assessment. I felt my way down until I got to two of his last three ribs. Only then did he stir. As gently as I could, I prodded those ribs, sighing when I found the cracks. I'd been afraid of that. On the opposite side of his rib cage, only one rib higher up was cracked. Finishing my assessment, I was happy to note that there was nothing more serious further down.

I sat on the edge of the bed and sighed, my hand grazing Roxas' wrist. I wanted to take him to a hospital, but I had the feeling he wouldn't let me. It wouldn't have made a difference anyway. He has a few cracked ribs. If I took him to a hospital, all they would do is keep him there for hours scanning and x-raying. After extensive waiting, all they would do is wrap his ribs with a bandage and send him home. I could do that here without all the extra, wasted, time. However, part of me wanted to take him to a hospital so they could document the bruises, among other things.

My head snapped up. Why hadn't I thought of that before? I ran back upstairs, grabbed my digital camera, and came back. I carefully began to snap pictures of all of Roxas' injuries. They would make proper evidence just in case he decided to file assault charges. I made sure to get a picture of his face, and the bruise there. For an extra measure, I took a picture of my hand against each set of bruises as a way to test size (and rule out my knuckle pattern as the one that had done the damage).

I then tucked the camera away before getting up to leave. I paused, looking back at him, the urge to touch him becoming less and less bearable by the second. I sat beside him on the bed, brushing my knuckles along his cheek. I hesitated just a moment before leaning over him and ever so gently pressing my lips to his. That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. Setting the camera on the floor, I reached down, pulling the sheet over both of us before straightening out to lay beside him. Without fail, Roxas has never woken up before me, so I didn't think there was a chance that he would tonight. I pressed my face to his shoulder, taking in his scent. He would sleep better this way... as would I.

"I love you," I whispered to him before finally allowing myself to sleep.

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry, once again, that it took so long to upload this chappy. I am finally in a situation where I can write more frequently and hopefully upload more frequently too. I've actually written several more chapters in a notebook and now just have to type them up and edit them. lolz I can't seem to quit this story even long enough to get my schoolwork done. But I'm rambling. I hope you like this. Love you guys. Thanks for reading! Constructive criticism? :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary**: When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? Warning: Involves physical/sexual abuse.

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>It was very early in the morning, the moonlight casting a pale glow across the room, and Roxas was still blissfully asleep. He was snuggled tightly against me, his limbs partially intertwined with mine. I lightly ran my fingers down the side of his face and he leaned into my touch almost immediately. I took a deep breath, resisting the hope that rose inside me. I knew that there was almost no possibility that he actually remembered me through the lies that made up this false life. Namine would have placed secure blocks to ensure that nothing slipped through. Still, that once percent chance, however slight, was still a chance.<p>

I grudgingly removed myself from his embrace, my joints popping as I stood. I didn't want to take any chances. Even though I normally woke before him, Roxas was still an early riser. There would be hell if he woke up beside me now.

I silently crept out of the room, rushing upstairs for a quick shower and a change of clothes. There was work to be done today, and I was a bit pressed for time. First of all, I didn't want Roxas to be alone for very long after he woke. That seemed more than a bit dangerous at the moment. Also, what I planned to do was better done under cover of darkness, though I was more than capable of moving about undetected in broad daylight.

I went to check on Roxas before I left, mostly to reassure myself that he was actually here and I wasn't just hallucinating. I sat at the side of his bed, watching the rise and fall of his chest with each labored breath. I was always the kind of person who feared the worst, especially when it came to him. I wanted desperately to know how far the attack had gone, but I didn't want to just come right out and ask.

I closed my eyes, holding back tears. If he had been raped... again... I didn't know what I would do. He didn't deserve this pain, and I wanted more than anything to shield him from it. There was nothing I could do about the events of the past but take revenge for them, and that wouldn't really solve anything (though vengeance would certainly make me feel at least a little better). What I _could _do was keep him from any further harm, beginning with the most imminent. I knew that one or both of his "parents" were abusing him, and I'll be damned if I was going to allow him to go back to a home that wasn't safe for him.

I wrote a note for Roxas in case he woke up before I got back. I didn't want to be gone without him knowing where I went.

"Good morning. Sorry if I'm not here when you wake up. I went out for a while. It's Tuesday, but I didn't think you'd really wanna go to school. So feel free to explore the house. Just don't wander off. Make yourself at home until I get back."

I smiled and left the note on the nightstand next to his bed. As I turned to leave, I was assaulted by a furry beast crawling around my feet. I turned back to the note and wrote, "And sorry about the cat. He likes to cuddle."

After signing it, I picked up the obese orange fur-ball and left the room, pulling the door closed with my foot.

"What am I going to do with you, Freckles?" I asked my cat, scratching around his ears. I made sure his food and water bowls were full so he wouldn't decide to attack Roxas for food, then made my way out the door.

I went to stake out Roxas' family abode, getting there just in time to see a pale young woman with long dark hair who I assumed was meant to be Roxas' mother pull out of the driveway in an old, rusty truck that had probably been blue at some point in its life. I could see the "father" pass in front of the window at the right of the house a few times and wished I was close enough to really see what he was doing. I knew it was dangerous to go inside while the man was awake, but I knew I could manage to get by unnoticed if I was careful. The problem was that I couldn't really control my temper very well when it came to people that hurt Roxas, and I didn't know what I was about to find in that house that could possibly set me off.

I sneaked around to the back of the house, peeking into every window until I found the one that I'd been looking for. There was a black blanket draped like a curtain over the window, but it was pulled away just enough for me to be sure that I was actually looking in on Roxas' bedroom. I portalled inside, tip-toeing my way out of the darkness and onto the floorboards, pausing to ensure that my entry wasn't discovered. When all I heard was the dull, muffled sound of the television in the other room, I allowed myself to wander the room.

The room was very small, hardly big enough to make a proper bedroom. I wondered how Roxas could even get to sleep in this tiny space, especially noting the deadbolt on his door, which had been installed to lock from the _outside_. I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, quelling the urge to charge into the next room and kick that bastard's face in. Instead, I continued my search of the room.

I sat down on his bed, which had been pushed against the wall as far away from the door as possible, and surveyed the room. Typical of Roxas, there were clothes and various knick knacks strewn all around the room. He had never been one to keep his living space very tidy or organized. The room wasn't very personalized either. There was a bookshelf in one corner of the room, filled with manga, graphic novels, and fantasy books. I smirked when I noticed that he seemed to favor shonen ai. Next to the bookshelf was a small dresser with a framed photograph of a young brunette woman in a pink dress, a piece of a broken mirror, and a plastic chess set on top of it. Other than that, there wasn't much here. It was a very simple living arrangement and he deserved better, in my opinion.

I was about to go search his parents' bedroom while it was unoccupied, but when I stood, I noticed a small metal box that was partially wrapped in a white t-shirt and shoved halfway under the bed. I tentatively took the box and sat on the edge of Roxas' bed again, pulling the shirt away and opening the lid. What I saw underneath brought tears to my eyes. Nestled inside the box was a roll of gauze, a tube of antibacterial ointment, and three small razor-blades, one of which had remnants of blood stained onto the steel.

I glanced to my left when I heard the familiar sound of a portal opening beside me just in time to see Demyx walk out of it.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered as he sat beside me.

"Backup," he whispered back. "Just in case. There are rumors floating around the castle. You need to cover your tracks better. Is this really where Roxas is staying?"

"Apparently," I said, fiddling with one of the little razorblades inside the box I still held.

Noticing, Demyx asked, "Is that... his?"

I nodded in response.

"He's a cutter?" he asked with a gulp. "Geez I didn't know that. He okay?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "But let's have this conversation somewhere else, okay?"

"Right," he said with a sigh, eyeing the box as I wrapped it up and placed it back under the bed. He moved to the window, but I stopped him with a tug to his shirt collar.

"Woah woah woah," I whispered.

"We're not leaving?" he asked, wide-eyed.

"Not until I find what I'm looking for," I said, beginning to carefully rummage through Roxas' closet.

"And what might that be?" he asked, picking up the photograph of the young brunette.

"Evidence," I answered. "Anything I can use against that bastard if he's hurting him."

There wasn't much in the closet besides the few articles of clothing he had in his wardrobe, but eventually I noticed a loose floorboard under which was hidden a small notebook made of recycled paper.

"His journal," I whispered to Demyx as I sat cross-legged on the floor to read it.

The first several pages I found dated all the way back to the first month Roxas had been here. They held detailed information about his attempted suicide and how a mysterious girl that he never found out the name of (whom I knew to be Namine) had come along just in time to get him to the hospital before he bled to death. Those pages also accounted the confusion of the weeks following the suicide attempt and the visits to the school's psychiatrist. Apparently, Roxas wrote everything he'd wanted to say in this journal, but had never said anything to his psychiatrist about why he'd wanted to kill himself.

**September 9**

_She'll never understand. I don't even understand it all. How can someone else, someone who doesn't even know me, try to get inside my head? What does she have to gain by figuring me out? She probably doesn't even want to understand me. I'm just a headache for her. I'm just... a number on her paycheck._

_The truth is... I don't even know why I tried to kill myself, why I still want to die. Every day... I want nothing more than to take a razor-blade and slide it across my neck. But why? Why does this pain haunt me? Where did it come from? There's my past... I feel significant amounts of pain every time I think about my mother... and my father, but those emotions have nothing to do with this. It's another area entirely. I feel like... I don't even know me... anymore._

After this, it was all basically about his social life. How he met his three best friends after moving to Twilight Town. How he ended up dating Hayner (I cringed at this). How most people at school tended to look down on him. Then I came to a particularly disturbing entry that satisfied my need for evidence.

**November 19**

_My father's drunk again. I can hear him in there arguing with mum. Any minute now she's going to have enough of it and storm out of the house like she always does. Then he's going to come into my room like he always does when she leaves me here alone with him... There's no stopping him. If I try to resist him, the only thing I get is a painful beating. I have to take it. That's all I can do. If I lay quiet, if I give him what he's after, I should come out of it relatively unscathed. It's _(a few words here were rendered illegible by tear marks)_ the police. They won't do anything. They never do._

_There's the front door slamming. Tifa's gone. Inevitable footsteps. I should hide this now._

That was it. I put the journal back into it's hidey-hole, blinking away tears. There was no way I was letting him come back here to stay. I had seen the wounds, the scars, the untreated injuries, and now here was proof, and I would not stand for it. I needed to convince him to stay with me, but I couldn't just come out and ask. He didn't know I knew these things about him. Maybe I could bring him back here just until something happened. I would stay on the lookout, and as soon as I saw something go awry, I would jump in and steal him away to safety.

Turning to Demyx, I said, "I got what I came for. Let's get out of here."

"Yeah," he said, accompanying me through a new portal and back to my car.

"I have some shopping to do for Roxas," I said, climbing into the car.

"I'll come with you," he said, going around to the passenger's seat. "I have something important to talk to you about anyway."

"What's up?" I asked as I drove away.

"Well..." he said, biting his lip. "It's about Roxas."

"Go on..." I said anxiously.

"Well, there's a rumor going around the castle that you've found him."

"What?" I growled. "What did you say?"

"Nothing!" he gulped. "I didn't say anything, I swear! But... um..."

"Spit it out," I said, keeping my voice level.

"Xemnas wants to see you," he whispered.

"Shit," I breathed. "How much time do you think you could buy me?"

"Not much," he sighed, "but I'll do my best."

"I appreciate it," I said, coming to a stop outside a convenience store. "I have to get back to him soon. He'll be awake by now."

I couldn't let them get their hands on Roxas. I had no way of knowing exactly what they'd do to him, but I had a pretty good idea. There was no way I'd let anything else happen to him, especially after what had already happened to him. If they got their hands on him while his memories were still manipulated, God only knows what that would do to his psyche.

"I'm sorry, Axel," Demyx said suddenly, tears coming to his eyes. "I know this is tough on you. I'll do everything I can."

I winced and said, "I can handle it, Demy. I'm really sorry about all this. I'll get it worked out soon, okay?"

"I'm not so sure," he said with a slight shiver. "I have to go back, though. I just wanted to warn you."

"Thanks, Demyx," I said, not even coming close to telling him how grateful I was for everything he's done.

He nodded, opening a new portal and fading into it. When he was gone, I sighed, heading into the store for a few essentials.

When I got home, I was greeted by the beautiful sight of Roxas laid out on the couch with Freckles purring greedily on his lap. I was painfully envious of that cat at the moment.

"Good morning," I said with a smile as I closed the door behind me. "I see you've been acquainted with Freckles."

"Yeah," he answered as I rounded the corner into the kitchen. I heard some hesitation in his voice. "He woke me up."

I chuckled halfheartedly, glad I was behind a wall so Roxas couldn't see the expression on my face. That cat... I'd have to have a talk with the lucky bastard. "Sorry about that," I called. "I guess I didn't close the door all the way."

"It's okay," he said as I finished putting everything away and started collecting the necessary items to make breakfast. After a short pause, he said, "Hey uh... these pajamas... did you undress me?" In my shock, I lost my grip on the kettle I was currently holding. I clamped my mouth shut as the edge of it struck my toes, cursing as I flung the thing into the sink.

"I'll take that as a yes?" he asked, sounding a little concerned.

"Uh..." I said, trying to make my brain form words. "Yeah, well I figured you probably wouldn't want to sleep in wet gym shorts, so... uh..." I cleared my throat.

"It's okay," he answered. There was a brief silence and then, "Thank you."

"Huh?" I said, leaning over so I could see him.

He was blushing slightly, smiling as he said, "I really didn't... want to sleep in wet gym shorts."

I returned the smile and said, "Well, you're welcome." I forced myself to stop staring at the spreading blush on his face.

"One thing though," he said quickly.

_Oh no_. "Whassat?"

He looked down, his lips coming together before he looked back up at me and asked, "Would you burn them for me?"

I felt a little pang of sorrow at what he must have been feeling then, but I smiled and nodded before disappearing behind the wall again. If he only knew...

I figured now might be as good a time as any to broach the subject of his injuries, so I cleared my throat and said, "I checked a few places I thought might be broken when uh... well." I winced. "You have a couple cracked ribs, but other than that, nothing too serious. There's not much you can do for that, but do you want me to take you to a hospital anyway?"

"No, I'll be fine," came the immediate reply. I suspected that would be his answer.

"Well, in that case, I have a few Ace bandages tucked away. I'll wrap that for you. It's about all I can do."

"Okay," he said, his voice small.

I wanted desperately to say more, to know the facts of what exactly transpired yesterday, but I didn't want to make him relive it. I mentally kicked myself for not checking him for signs of sexual assault last night. He'd been fast asleep; he wouldn't have even known, and I would have saved myself a lot of worry and fear.

"Axel?" Roxas asked, snapping me out of my haze.

I shook my head, dispelling those thoughts for now, and answered as I placed two strips of bacon on to fry, "Yeah?"

"Are you like... rich or something?" came the tentative inquiry.

"My parents' inheritance paid for this house," I said with a chuckle. "Apparently my father was very well-off." It wasn't the whole truth, but... heck he knew the whole truth. He just didn't know he did.

"Oh..." he said, sounding vaguely surprised. "That makes sense."

"Yeah," I replied. "It's enough to live off of and keep me happy possibly for the rest of my life, or until I decide to spend it on something stupid and reckless." I peeked around the corner and shot him a quick wink.

When the toast popped out of the toaster and the bacon was nice and crispy, I flipped over the perfect, unbroken eggs, keeping them on the heat no longer than thirty seconds. Sunny-side over, just like he liked it. I put the bacon and eggs on a plate, cut the two pieces of toast into four diagonal pieces, and quickly made a bowl of instant oatmeal. I smiled at my work before bringing it to Roxas.

Instead of the warm smile he usually gave me when I used to make him breakfast, he looked at the plate, his eyes going wide for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, slightly leaning away from the food. That... was strange. Even though he had just gone through a horrible ordeal, it wasn't like Roxas to turn down my cooking.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, looking over the food. Nothing was burnt, and it smelled absolutely divine. Had I missed something?

"I don't want to be rude," he said, biting the edge of his lip.

"What is it?" I asked. Obviously there was something wrong, but I couldn't see it.

"I'm vegan," he said after a pause.

That genuinely surprised me, but I managed not to show it. I only furrowed my eyebrows and handed him the non-animal foods, wondering when the drastic change in eating habits had occurred.

"You don't mind if I eat the rest though, do you?" I asked, feeling my stomach growl.

"Not at all," he said, smiling at me. Surprisingly, that smile was only partially forced. Maybe he was beginning to feel comfortable around me.

I spun around, taking the plate back into the kitchen, but stopping when Roxas asked me where I was going. I simply answered, "I'm going to the kitchen so I can eat the foul animal products without disturbing you."

"Oh," he said, contemplating the statement. "Thank you," he finished, glancing up at me.

"No problem," I said as I slipped into the kitchen, immediately devouring a piece of bacon. Then I realized that I should offer Roxas something to drink. I went to the fridge, paused for a moment, then asked, "So I take it milk is out of the picture too?"

I heard him hastily swallow before saying, "Sorry, yeah."

"No need to apologize," I said. "You want juice, then? I've got apple, cran-apple, and orange."

"Orange juice would be swell," he said. _God, I loved that boy_.

"Coming right up," I said as I poured him a glass of orange juice. I glanced over at the small plastic bag on the counter and said, "Oh and I got you something while I was out."

"What?" he asked, surprised.

I snatched the bag of toiletries off of the counter and brought it to him along with the juice. "I figured you might want to be relatively clean for your stay here," I said with a shrug._  
><em>

"Thank you," he said, gazing into the bag as though I had just given him some rare treasure. He smiled up at me before turning back to his food, finishing the rest of it in a hurry. When he was finished, I directed him to the downstairs bathroom, which was down the hall, just before the guest bedroom.

I watched, worrying at my lower lip, as Roxas walked with a slight, but noticeable limp toward the bathroom. For his sake, and my sanity, I hoped that didn't mean what I thought it meant.

I tightly shut my eyes, forcing back tears that threatened to spill over and swallowing the bile that was rising in my throat. I didn't want Roxas to come back and see me so distraught. That would only make matters worse.

I was actually surprised, though. He seemed... calm. Too calm for the circumstances, almost as if what happened didn't even matter. I knew that wasn't really the case, of course. Roxas had always been good at keeping his real emotions to himself. I knew that he was in very real, and severe, pain, and that this pain didn't just pop up overnight. I had gotten quite good at reading the minute changes in his tone and overall demeanor that signaled emotional distress. He would usually talk to me about them if I asked, but now that I was just another face to him, he wouldn't be very forthcoming about his feelings at all.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. The first opportunity I got... if the ones I was thinking of were the ones who really did this... I _would _get revenge for Roxas' pain.

Freckles jumped onto the couch, rubbing against my side. I smiled at him and returned the gesture, saying, "Okay, Mister. We're gonna have to talk about your manners toward house-guests, especially those of the Roxas variety."

He laid down against me and began to purr, not paying attention to anything I was saying.

"Okay, okay," I said. "But we _will _discuss this."

A few moments later, Roxas asked, "What's wrong?"

I jumped, surprised at the sound. I hadn't been expecting him to suddenly be there. ...How long had he been standing there anyway? I forced a smile onto my face as he sat down on the other end of the couch. How I longed to close that distance, but I managed to restrain myself and answer, "Nothing's wrong. Just thinking."

"About?" he asked, sincerely curious.

I winced slightly and gulped before saying, "I don't want to bring it up."

He looked away from me, his whole body going tense as he asked, "Is is about what happened to me?"

I closed my eyes, taking a steadying breath, and nodded.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him draw his knees up, hearing the sharp intake of breath at the pain that action caused.

"Hang on," I said, practically running upstairs to my bathroom to retrieve the Ace bandage from my medical kit before scurrying right back down, pausing to catch my breath before going over to him. "Let me take care of those ribs."

I slowly pried his hand off of his knees and said, "Could you lean forward a bit? I need to get this around you." He silently obeyed, looking up at me. "Is is okay to touch you?" I asked. When he nodded, I went to work, expertly wrapping his ribs. I tried to concentrate solely on the task at hand, but... being so close to Roxas... touching him like this... It was distracting, even more so since his usually flawless upper half was now covered in bruises and welts.

"All done," I managed to say, my voice going dark, as I pulled my hands away from him.

"Thank you," he replied, looking away. After a while he asked, "So did you want to ask me something?"

"Uh..." I said, looking down. I tried to find the right words, words that wouldn't make him feel too uncomfortable.

"It's okay," he said, his voice flat.

"Right," I said, taking a slow, deep breath. I tried to keep my eyes on him as I said, "Well, I just wanted to know..." No that... wasn't right. "Did those boys..." Still wrong. "How far did... um..." I sighed, frustrated and at a total loss for a sensitive way to ask, so I just... asked, "Did they rape you?"

He was silent for a while, pulling his knees up and placing his head on top of them. He spoke into his knees, "Only one of them did anything like that and he didn't do much more than touch me."

Relief flooded through me. Relief... and anger.

"So he didn't.. uh..." I asked, trying to keep myself calm and not think about that boy's hands on Roxas.

"He didn't take me," he whispered.

I hadn't realized how tense I'd been, so afraid of his potential answer. I don't know what I would have done if he had answered differently, if my suspicions hand been confirmed aloud. I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep up this already fragile facade.

"Well that's a relief," I breathed. "You have no idea how scared I was when I found you, Roxas. Not that what he did to you wasn't bad, but it could have been a lot worse." I was trying to comfort him, and probably failing.

"I should go home before my dad has a fit," he said, lifting his head.

"Yeah... I'll take you, then," I said with a sigh, reminding myself that he wouldn't be there for long. Still, the thought of leaving him there with that piece of shit he called a father make me sick.

We both stood up at about the same time, and reluctantly headed out to my car.

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><p><strong>AN: Once again apologizing because it took me so long to upload. This time it was because my computer decided to crash and I was without computer access for... however long it's been since the last upload. But! I now have access to a new computer and will most likely be able to upload more frequently. Thank you for reading this piece of crap. Please review. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary**: When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? Warning: Involves physical/sexual abuse.

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

* * *

><p>The sick bastard that was supposed to be Roxas' father emerged from the house as soon as I pulled over in front of it, and he looked pissed. Hopefully that meant that I would have an excuse to remove Roxas from the household sooner, but with as little harm to Roxas as possible.<p>

"Okay..." Roxas said, anxiety making itself clear in his voice. "I should go now."

"You know where to find me if you need anything," I said, glancing up at his father and resisting the urge to just rush over and bash his head in. Murder would _not_ be on the agenda today.

"Yeah," he said, hesitating before exiting the vehicle.

I watched him cross the lawn to stand at the foot of his front stairs, just below his father. There was a small exchange between the two before Roxas nervously followed the man into the house, glancing back over his shoulder before he did so. I supposed he didn't want me to leave as much as I wished the same.

As soon as they were safely inside, I left my car and trudged around to the back of the house, trying to find a good entrance should the need arise. I had just barely found a cracked window when I heard the commotion inside. When I heard Roxas scream, I threw the window open and bolted into the house.

I barely caught the end of what Roxas was saying as I made my way through the house, getting to the family room just in time to see Roxas get punched. My entire frame shook and I clenched my teeth as the bastard lifted his hand to strike him again. I rushed over, grabbing his arm before letting my fist meet his face, knocking him to the floor.

"Goddamn son-of-a-whore!" he cursed from the floor. I put myself between him and Roxas, giving him time to get up before threatening him.

"If you ever touch him again, I will personally see to it that you spend the rest of your life behind bars!" I was acting on instinct now, my thoughts focused on protecting Roxas. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him and I was more than happy to be the one to put this sick fuck in his place.

"Axel!" Roxas yelped from behind me.

"Go to the car, Roxas," I said, trying to get him out of here as quickly as possible.

I heard him scramble up to do just that before his father said, "If you walk out that door, don't you dare think about coming back!"

He paused, going still as he asked, "Why would I come back? So I can live under your hand for the rest of my youthful life, enduring your words and the pain of your whims?" The statement made me pause for a split second. He said it calmly, but there was a rage behind those words that I couldn't even fathom.

"Where would you go?" countered his father, lifting a hand to wipe the blood that was dripping from his mouth away. "Who would take in a pitiful whore like you?"

That did it. Those words sent me into a fury. I couldn't even try to control what I did then. My movements were purely instinctual as I sent him flying across the room, not even giving him time to recuperate before setting my foot on his neck.

"You will take back those words," I said, danger in my voice as I began to call fire. I would burn him before I let him hurt Roxas again. In the very back of my mind, something miraculously still tame in me told me that unleashing the full extent of my fury would not be good for Roxas' currently fragile psyche. Somehow, that thought managed to calm me enough to keep my fire at bay.

This guy seemed to have a death wish, because he said, "I know where he was last night. How much did you pay him to fuck you?"

I huffed, tightly clenching my fists as I moved my foot to his crotch. If he honestly thought that Roxas was a whore, he deserved the fiercest torment I could muster. If he had sexually abused Roxas himself (like I knew he had), then he deserved to die in the most horrific and agonizing way I could create. However, since murder would not be on the agenda today, I would go for maiming instead. Without another thought, I sent fire through my body to exit where I touched him and smiled at the agonizing scream he let out as his most sensitive area was burned by my fire.

"You don't deserve the ability to use this," I said, glaring down at him. "Scum like you shouldn't be able to father children. How you ever managed to produce one so perfect," I threw in for Roxas' benefit, "I'll never know, but I'll make sure you can't do it again."

I sneered down as him as I moved away from him, grabbing Roxas' hand to tow him out of the door. I had my hand on the doorknob before I heard the small, raspy voice of Roxas' now crippled "father" behind me, "If I see either of you on my property again, I'll call the cops, you hear?"

I chuckled softly to myself before I replied, "And then I'll call them right back. Do you have any idea what they do to child molesters in prison?"

With that, I left. I didn't stop to see if he was following me out (or if he even could). I simply took Roxas to my car, helped him in, and then left.

It took me a while to get back home from there, the drive seeming longer since we rode in silence. I was still trying to get back in control of my emotions when I pulled into the driveway. Even though that was just a fraction of my fury, I still needed to be careful.

After a while, Roxas began to ask if I was alright. I interrupted his question, "Just give me a minute to calm down."

I could feel his gaze on me, and I could tell that he was frightened by what had just transpired, though he would never admit it. I couldn't risk letting out too much emotion around him. Not yet, not when he still didn't remember me. I didn't want to intimidate him or scare him in any way.

I sighed and laid my head on the steering wheel.

"Where'd you learn to fight like that?" Roxas asked a few moments later.

"I just picked it up," I said, resisting the urge to say, _We trained together_. "Sorry for blowing up like that."

"It's alright," he answered with a smile. "Thanks actually, but why did you stay?"

_Because I couldn't stand to leave you there a moment longer than necessary_. I shrugged in response and said, ""I figured something like that might happen, so I stayed just to make sure you got in safely. Then I heard you scream..." I closed my eyes, shaking my head a little to ward off the rising emotions. "When I saw what that... what he was doing to you, I couldn't stop myself. And then he called you a whore..." _Calm... down. It's over now. He's fine_.

"How did you know?" he asked, his voice breaking a little.

"Know what?" I asked.

"That my father molested me," he replied, holding himself tightly.

"You just told me," I answered, making him believe it had just been a guess.

"So you just assumed...?" he asked with a slight wince.

"I figured it was a safe assumption," I lied. "Looks like I was right... Fancy that."

"It only happened a few times," he said with a slight shudder. "When I was younger. My mother caught on to what was happening... well... walked in on what was happening. She put a stop to it real quick. That was about when he started beating me."

"Son of a bitch..." I whispered. Roxas didn't even realize that the assault must have happened within the last year. Namine might have pushed it back further in his memories to give him more time to cope, but the fact of the matter was that it had to have happened quite recently.

All this pain... and no one to help him through it. Why had she just pushed it back though? Why hadn't she simply erased it from his memories as well? Why had she sent him _here _of all places in the first place? She could have sent him somewhere safer, somewhere with a loving family and happy false life. After all the pain he'd gone through in the Organization... why did he have to have more now?

"Actually my grandmother was really sweet," he said, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I only saw her once or twice that I can remember before she died but..."

"Sorry," I said with a halfhearted chuckle. "Slipped out. But I swear if he ever touches you again, I'll leave him in the dark before karma can spit." _Bad choice of words, Axel. He doesn't understand what you're talking about_.

He opened his mouth to say something but before he could, my phone began to vibrate, signaling a call. I fished it out of my pocket and checked the caller ID, hissing under my breath when I saw the "VII" on the Caller ID. Saix.

I sighed and answered the call, "What do you want?"

"_Hello, Axel_," came the reply. "_It seems you have some business to conduct with our Master_."

"I was under the impression that it was already settled," I answered, hoping that Demyx could still stall for me.

"_Settled?_" he repeated. "_No, no, no. It's not _settled _at all. Or did you think your good friend Demyx would be able to convince us otherwise? Ha! No, Axel. I'm afraid you've been summoned. Xemnas wants to see you right away._"

"Why?" I asked, as if I didn't know the reason. This was not good...

"_Well, that's for us to know and you to find out. But you don't want to keep Xemnas waiting, do you?_"

"Fine," I said, keeping my voice flat. "When and where?"

"_I will be along to collect you shortly_," he replied.

"Out of the question. If this is going down, it'll happen on my terms, not yours, and not his." I'd be damned if I let Xemnas push me around like this.

"_As you wish_," he said with a laugh. "_But you won't keep us waiting for long_."

"Always a pleasure doing business with you," I said, keeping the venom out of my voice. "We'll chat later." I hung up, gritting my teeth together. _Thanks for nothing, Demyx_.

I glanced over at Roxas, saw the puzzled look on his face and said, "Old friend." Like Saix would ever be a friend.

"Oh," he said, not really paying much attention to the explanation.

He looked to be at a loss for words, so I figured I'd let him know that he was welcome here, "Well I guess you can literally make yourself at home now. I'll go this afternoon and swipe some of your clothes, unless you want me to just buy you a new wardrobe. I won't mind doing either."

"You're actually letting me stay?" he asked with wonder in his eyes like he'd just been given a precious gift.

"Of course," I said. _I wouldn't have it any other way_. "I've got plenty of space here, too much really, just for myself and Freckles. You won't take a toll on my financial situation, of course, and I'll be glad of the company. Besides, there's no way I'd let you go back there." _Please say you'll stay, Roxas_.

"Uh..." he said, looking quite amazed. "Thank you... so much. Though I'd prefer you didn't go back there either."

"No problem at all," I said with a smile. "For the time being, you can borrow some of my clothes. I'll stop somewhere later and pick up something more suitable for your... height."

"Thanks," he said with a small smile. He seemed very unsure about this whole ordeal, like he didn't know what to do or where to go from here. Of course, it was a lot to take in. So much had happened over the past twenty-four hours. It was too much, it seemed, for him to take in all at once.

"Well, you just make yourself at home," I said as I exited the car. "Let it sink in and come on in whenever you feel ready. I'll go get started on getting you settled in."

I went inside to check the guest bedroom and get it cleaned up a bit for Roxas to move in. There really wasn't much to be done. I stood there for a while, taking in the fact that Roxas would now actually be living with me and I, too, was at a loss for what to do next.

I jumped when I heard a low "meow" below me.

"Freckles," I sighed, picking up the fluffy beast. "You scared the crap out of me, boy."

"Meow," he replied, purring as he rubbed his head against my arm.

"How about some tea?" I asked, scratching his head. "Well.. not like you can drink it, but... yeah." _Get a grip, Axel. Really_.

Sighing, I went to the kitchen to put some water on to boil.

"Meow?" Freckles inquired as I set him down.

"I know, I know," I sighed. "You don't have to take that tone with me. I'm fine. Perfectly... fine. Ecstatic... and a little out of my head right now... but I'm fine."

"Meowww," he declared as he began rubbing his head against my ankles.

"Thanks for listening," I said with a smile as the kettle started steaming up.

Roxas walked in as I was turning off the stove. "Hey," I said with a smile. "Making tea."

"Oh," he said, returning my smile halfheartedly. "You left your phone in the car."

"Thanks," I said, taking the phone from his outstretched hand after producing two teacups from the cupboard over the sink. I flipped it open, going to my inbox after seeing I had a new message, and frowned. "Looks like Demyx sent me a message," I muttered, opening the text. It read, "_I'm so sorry, Axel! I tried the best I could, but Saix is way too smart for me. He knows things, man. I'm sorry. I tried_."

"Something wrong?" Roxas asked as I replied to the text.

"_It's okay, Demy. You did your best. Thanks for trying_." I smiled at Roxas and said, "Not at all." I was trying to put on a happy face for him, but it wasn't working very well. I could tell he wasn't entirely fooled. "How about that tea?" I sighed, pouring the water into my cup and unwittingly spilling some over onto my hand. I shook the water off of my hand nonchalantly before mopping up the spilled water and pouring Roxas' cup. When they had steeped long enough I handed Roxas his tea and calmly sipped mine.

"How can you drink that?" Roxas asked, looking up at me with wide eyes. "It's like... scalding."

I paused, noting the heavy steam rising from my cup as I mentally kicked myself, shrugged, and said simply, "I like hot tea." _Of course the liquid would be too hot for him to drink, you heat resistant moron_, I thought at myself.

He opened his mouth to speak, but silenced himself when my phone vibrated on the counter. "_You really have to get over here_," read the text, "_before he comes to you_."

Fuck. "_Fine. Tell him I'm on my way_." To Roxas I said, "I have to go out for a while. I left a change of clothes for you on the couch." I didn't want to leave him here alone, not after all that had happened recently, but I couldn't risk Xemnas coming here. I'd found his journal. I knew he was still slightly suicidal, and the last thing I wanted to do was leave him here with all the emotions I knew were running around in his head. Hopefully, though, I wouldn't be gone long. Hopefully.

"Thanks," he said with a small smile. "When will you be back."

"I don't know," I shrugged, staying the urge to reach up and caress his cheek. "I have to help a friend with something for a while. Then I'll stop by a few places and pick up some new clothes for you. I shouldn't be too long. Feel free to do whatever you'd like while I'm gone. Mi casa es su casa."

"Okay," he said. "Thanks." _Don't look so disappointed, Roxas. Please_.

"You betcha," I said with a smile, resisting another urge to pull him into a tight hug. God, I'd missed this boy. I'd missed him so much, and now I couldn't even hug him. There was so much lost time to make up for, I didn't even know where to start, but all the memories and experiences we've had were just... gone. It was like they'd never even happened in his mind, and that thought hurt. I'd finally found him, and yet it felt like he was still missing. I wanted _my_ Roxas. When would I get to see that recognition in his eyes? When would I get to hold him?

I turned away, grabbing my car keys off the hook as I exited the house. I felt myself tearing up, and that was definitely not a good thing. Tear streaks and puffy eyes were the last things I needed when I was about to go see Xemnas. I couldn't afford to give any hint of my emotions away to him.

When I had driven far enough away from the house and parked my car in an unsuspecting location, I opened a portal to the Castle that Never Was, the place that I had counted as my home for the longest time, the place that now felt like a prison. _You can do this, Axel_, I told myself. _Just breathe_. Steeling myself, I stepped into the darkness.

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><p><strong>AN: So here's the next part. I've been completely devoting myself to college work over the past few months, so uploads were few. I know. To all my readers out there, I love you guys (and girls) so much. Also, I'm currently working out the kinks and beginning the first chapters of Insult to Injury, which will be the sequel to the original Agony of Affection. I just wanted to let you know that it is in the workings. Thanks for reading. Constructive criticism would be helpful, so let me know how I did and how you liked it! Thankies! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary**: When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? **Warning:** Involves physical/sexual abuse.

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p><em>Show no emotion<em>, I told myself. _Show nothing at all. You're dead inside. You have to be._

I opened my eyes, forcing any shine out of them. My eyes were bleak and my face was blank as I stood before the very last person in the world I wanted to see right now.

"Hello, Axel," he said, turning to face me.

"Master Xemnas," I answered, bowing respectfully.

He smirked and asked, "How goes the search?"

"Fruitless as expected," I lied. "I don't think we're going to find him easily."

"Is that so?" he asked, walking closer to me.

I could not allow myself to be intimidated. "So it seems," I answered, keeping my voice flat.

His smirk turned into a grin and he said, "Well then I suppose it would simply be a waste of time to continue this fruitless search." My heart skipped a beat, but I managed not to show any outward sign. "I'll send out a team to continue. In the meantime, I have a mission for you."

"With all due respect, sir," I said, amazingly keeping my panic at bay, "I think it would be best for _me _to continue searching for Roxas."

"Why is that?"

"His feelings for me. He would come back with me. I'm certain of it."

Xemnas chuckled. The sound was enough to send shivers down my spine, which I masterfully suppressed. "I don't think so," he said. "According to... reliable anonymous sources... Roxas has been stripped of all former memory." My heart was racing and I was barely able to keep my emotion from coming into the foreground. _You're dead inside, Axel. You're dead_. "Apparently, all of his memories, including everything pertaining to you, have been replaced with a false life... in Twilight Town."

I let my facade fall, allowing the fear and anger to seep back into my eyes, my jaw tightening. I leaned away from him as he closed the distance between us, now less than a foot from me.

"Oh, Axel," he sighed. "Whatever will we do with you?"

"You knew all along," I stated. He nodded, his amber eyes seeming to reach all the way through me. "What now?" I asked.

"No one leaves the Organization," Xemnas said. "He has to be put in his place. You'll bring him back here, of course. That, or be branded a traitor yourself."

"He doesn't even remember leaving," I said, closing my eyes. "He doesn't deserve to be punished for something he doesn't even know he did, something that was your fault to begin with!" I turned to flee. I was not going to let this happen. I was going to run. I was going to take Roxas somewhere he'd be safe, at least for a while. I would see the Organization destroyed before I let them hurt him.

The next thing I knew, my back was to the wall and Xemnas was in front of me, almost pressed against me, keeping me pinned.

"He is going to be punished, and whether or not you agree, you are going to bring him back here. If you continue to defy me, I'll make you punish him yourself!" He raised his hand to strike me and I couldn't help but flinch. I opened my eyes when nothing else happened, but I definitely did not like what I saw. Xemnas was currently looking me over from head to toe. He seemed... contemplative. This was not going to be good.

"Or..." he said, his smirk returning. "Would you take the blame for him?"

"What?" I asked, blinking.

He backed away from me, giving me some much-needed breathing room. "I'm willing to make you a deal."

I hesitated for a moment, then asked suspiciously, "What kind of deal?"

A slow smile spread on his face and his eyes took on a slightly sadistic gleam. I had a feeling I would regret asking that.

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><p>Going home, I tried not to think about Xemnas' offer, but it kept running through my mind uninvited. He was definitely up to something, something way bigger than he was letting on. Only after I'd agreed to make a deal did he tell me that I would be summoned again to discuss the terms. He'd said that he would work something out "that both of us will be comfortable with," though I highly doubted that I would be comfortable with anything Xemnas came up with. I knew, however, that he would get what he wanted in the end, regardless of whatever I originally agreed to. He always got what he wanted. As much as I did <em>not <em>want to take part in this, if it would keep Roxas safe... I would.

I sighed as I parked the car, reaching into the back seat to gather up my purchases. I knew all Roxas' sizes, and I knew what he liked, so it hadn't taken me long at all to shop for him. If he wanted or needed anything else when it came to clothes, I would be happy to take him shopping with me. He would have to come grocery shopping with me anyway. I had no idea what was and wasn't safe in that area.

I went inside, smiling when I saw Roxas. Then I saw the expression on his face, and the towel he was pressing to his wrist, and that smile vanished. I'd been gone too long. What had he done?

I dropped my bags, rushing to him as fast as I could manage as I asked, "What's wrong?"

He winced, but made no reply. I looked down at his wrist, at the blood-soaked towel. I was barely able to keep myself calm as I looked up at him. I told myself that the fact that he was putting pressure on it made it clear that he was not trying to kill himself at the moment, but the panic remained. What would have happened if I'd gotten here five minutes later? What would I have walked in to see? Or maybe if I had gotten here five minutes earlier, I would have been able to stop him from harming himself.

"Roxas?" I asked, moving my hand to cover his. I wanted to take care of the wound, but I didn't want to startle him by forcing the issue. He shut his eyes and carefully removed the towel from his wrist, showing me the full extent of the wound. I could tell he hadn't cut it. The edges were too jagged for that. I saw teeth marks at the outer edges and the roughly circular shape of the mark. He had bitten himself, which was almost worse than cutting, much more impulsive.

"I'm sorry," he said, shutting his eyes again when I looked up at him.

"Come on," I said, taking the towel to keep pressure on the bite. "We should take care of this properly."

I led him up to my bathroom, reaching under the sink to find all the items I would need to nurse the wound. When I had everything laid out, I took the towel off, carefully looking over the area. He had done some extensive damage, but nothing that wouldn't heal if properly taken care of. It might not even have left a scar.

I opened a gauze pad, pouring a bit of hydrogen peroxide over it, and said, "You certainly did some damage." I took his hand, preparing to clean the wound, and said, "This will sting a little."

He nodded and winced slightly as the liquid took effect, eating away any bacteria. I kept my head clear as I went to work bandaging his wrist, not allowing the guilt that was currently tearing me up inside to affect me... yet. After I had finished, I allowed some of it to come to the forefront, gently touching the bandage as I said, "I'm sorry I was gone so long."

"It wasn't your fault," he whispered as I traced one of the visible scars on his arm with my thumb. Those scars told a story of unimaginable suffering, suffering he shouldn't have had to endure. I wanted to take that pain away from him. Those scars... I wished I could bear them for him. Maybe I would be able to soon.

I closed my eyes, warding off tears. He was still in so much pain... Too many bad things had happened to him, things I was never there to do anything about. Now that I was here, he was still in pain and I was still unable to really help him. There was no way I would let the Organization get their hands on him again. That, I _could _prevent.

I lifted his arm and kissed the bandage on impulse, whispering, "All better." I looked up, meeting his gaze for the first time since I'd returned. "I've already come to the conclusion that it's incredibly dangerous to let you out of my sight. Don't make it impossible. Please don't to this again." I didn't know how I would cope if he did.

"I won't," he said, his voice breaking.

I forced a smile, trying to release some of the tension in the air, and said, "Great. Come on, then. I got you some clothes that I think will fit you much better than mine."

I took him downstairs, showing him what I had for him. "Here," I said, giving him the bags. "You can go change now, if you'd like."

"Thank you," he said with a gulp. He headed down the hall, glancing back at me once before he disappeared.

I sighed, restraining the urge to punch the wall. "Why do you have to be so stupid?" I asked myself aloud. I never should have left him alone. I should have just told Xemnas the truth and been done with it. Sure, I still would have had to see him, but... _Shit_. I glanced down the hallway, trying to stop myself from going down there and barging into his room. I would have to keep a very close eye on him. I knew never to leave a suicidal person alone. I should have seen this coming. I had seen this coming! I knew how he keeps all his emotions bottled up, how he never lets anyone in. For all I knew, he could have been in there hanging himself with the bedsheets. _No, Axel, he's not. He's changing. Don't disturb him_.

A crash in the kitchen kept me from further berating myself at the moment. I went to investigate, finding Freckles on the counter, knocking things all over the place. Sighing, I went over and started petting him, saying, "Hey, Mister, you know you're not supposed to be up there."

He looked at me before jumping off the counter, knocking down a little bag of Doritos as he went. I caught the bag and was about to put it back when I thought, _Hell, I might as well eat something_. Shrugging, I opened the bag and went back out to the living room, settling myself on the couch. I took a chip out of the bag, snagging another one and dropping it on the floor in the process. Before I could reach down and pick it up, Freckles pounced. I chuckled as he proceeded to beat it around.

"You're too fat for that much energy, Frecks," I said, popping the chip I had taken into my mouth.

I heard footsteps emerging from the hallway and I looked up to see Roxas wearing a pair of black low-rise jeans and a gray, button-up shirt with black diamond shapes around the bottom. His feet were bare. I sat up, moving my legs so he could sit. He did... on the other end. I felt a little twinge at this, desperately wanting to be near him, but I respected his space. He probably needed it, after all.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

I shrugged and said, "Don't mention it. You needed new clothes anyway."

"No I mean..." he said, his voice catching and his eyes beginning to water. I watched his face as he continued, "Thank you for everything. You've been so nice to me... and you've done so much for me... There's no way I could possibly thank you enough."

He sniffled, tears falling over his cheeks. I moved down to sit next to him, laying my hand on his shoulder. I wanted to hold him, to comfort him, but I didn't know how he would react to that.

He surprised me by immediately leaning into my touch, laying his head on my chest. For a moment, I was too shocked to move. Then I wrapped my arms around him, holding back my own tears. I was holding him. After so long... I was actually _holding _Roxas. It seemed surreal, like I could wake up any minute and it all had just been a dream. I just wished I could have been with him like I used to be.

"It's okay," I said, my hand moving up to his hair. "Let it out."

I was sure he could hear my heart racing in my chest. His ear was right there. At the moment, however, I didn't care. I had Roxas... _my _Roxas... in my arms. The fact that he was crying in front of me, not trying to hide it, meant the world to me then. He was actually comfortable enough with me to let me to see his emotions.

Eventually, his tears stopped falling and he went still, allowing me to continue holding him. After a while, he fell asleep against me. I lifted him, cradling him in my arms, and carried him to his room. I laid him on his bed, covering him, before crawling on top of the covers beside him.

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><p><strong>AN: So here's another chapter. More will be posted soon, so look for updates. Thanks for reading. Please review! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary: **When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? Warning: Involves physical/sexual abuse.

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>I didn't sleep very well that night with all the worry on my mind. I didn't want to leave Roxas alone again, but Xemnas could have summoned me at any time, completely out of the blue, and I would have to go. I also knew that I would eventually have to explain all of this to Roxas. It seemed like he was getting at least a little better, but I didn't think he was remembering anything at all. I sighed when I realized that, in a few short days, I would also have to explain why I would most likely come home covered in oozing stripes and hideous bruises. <em>Don't think about that<em>.

My fingers grazed over the photo I currently held. It was the one Zexion had taken of Roxas, Demyx, and me. Demyx was standing close to us, his eyes closed and his head tilted to one side with a goofy grin on his face, making a peace sign with his fingers. My arm was on top of Roxas' head as I was grinning to the camera, my other hand on my hip. Roxas was glaring playfully up at me, his arms folded across his chest. I looked down at the one in my lap, setting the other one to the side. I gently picked the photo off my lap. It was one of my favorites. Roxas and I had been sitting at the top of the Twilight Town clock tower together. The sun was setting, the light making his gorgeous blond hair look golden. There was a gentle smile on his face and his big blue eyes looked out at me in admiration. I had taken this of him just minutes before he'd told me he loved me for the first time.

I sighed, replacing the pictures in my desk drawer. There had to be some way to jog his memory. There just had to be... I didn't know how much longer I could keep up the act. One day I was sure to slip. I would say something about him that I couldn't possibly have discovered in the supposedly short amount of time that I had known him or do something that would give away some secret that I'd forgotten that he didn't know anymore. I would probably have to contact Namine about this. It was, after all, her area of expertise. She could perhaps partially unlock something she had hidden away, just to give him a nudge in the right direction.

I sighed, falling backwards onto my bed and curling into myself. I missed him. Even though he was with me now, it seemed like he was still miles away. He didn't know me anymore. He didn't remember our time together or even what we meant to each other. If I had to start from scratch, I would. If that was what it would take for him to know me again, that's what I would do, and I would try my best to be patient about it.

A few minutes later, I heard Roxas stirring downstairs. Curious, I got up and slid quietly out of the room, reaching the bottom step of the stairs just in time to see him go outside. I quietly followed him over to the pool area, smiling as he sat at the edge with his feet trailing in the water. I watched him sigh, laying back to look up at the sky. Glancing up, I could see that there were plenty of stars out. He always loved stargazing. That was one of the things we would do together whenever we had the chance. I wondered if he would let me join him.

I let him lay there and enjoy the stars for a while before asking, " What are you doing out here all alone in the middle of the night?"

He stood quickly, stumbling a little. "Axel..." he said, regaining his balance, "hey."

I let out a small chuckle, going over to stand beside him. "You should be more careful," I said more seriously. "Wouldn't want to slip on this concrete."

He gave a small laugh before saying, "It'll just add to the collection of bruises."

I sighed, closing my eyes. "I swear," I said breathlessly, "if I see anything else damage you, I'll probably have a stroke." I took his bandaged hand and whispered, "You're too good for scars."

He pulled away from me and said, "...I deserve them."

My eyes went wide. I couldn't believe he had just said that. He was the last person in the world who deserved to be hurt. "You don't see yourself clearly at all do you?" I asked, deciding to speak my mind. I had to let him know how much I cared about him. He looked so sad, just standing there holding his wrist. Did he really think he deserved to be hurt? "You're certainly the best thing that's happened to me in a while."

He blushed and turned away from me. The sight was beautiful, but I wished he wouldn't hide. "You're cute when you blush," I said with a laugh.

"Stop," he said, biting his lip.

"Don't be embarrassed," I said, stepping toward him.

I decided to take a chance, letting my fingers trail along the edge of his chin. I wanted _so _desperately to kiss him right now. It felt like it had been ages since I'd felt his lips on mine and I craved that connection like mad. His breath hitched and his eyes went wide at my unexpected touch. I felt his hands on my chest, and I was suddenly falling into the pool. I swam to the edge, but didn't make a move to climb out.

After a few moments, I saw him lean over the side and heard him call out to me. I opened my mouth and jumped up, playfully spitting out the water in an even stream that wasn't meant to hit him before pulling him into the pool. I would have killed to get a picture of his face then. The look of shocked terror there sent me into hysterics.

"The look on your face," I said when he surfaced. "Priceless." I laughed even more when I saw the false pout on his face.

"That's not funny," he said, starting to laugh as well as he threw water toward me.

I splashed back and asked, "Then why are you laughing?"

"Because it's funny."

I poked him in the chest and said, "You started it."

His eyes went wide, a new blush spreading on his cheeks as he bit his lip and looked down.

"I'm sorry, Roxas," I said, trying to make him feel better. "I shouldn't have said anything." If he wasn't ready for that kind of talk, I would understand.

"No, it's okay," he said, looking back at me frantically. "I don't mind."

I smiled, reaching for his arm. I acted on impulse when I pulled him into the pool. That had probably been a bad idea for more than one reason. "I'll have to replace this."

"Chlorine probably isn't good for an open wound," he said.

"It won't bother it much as long as you wash it," I answered. "It's actually very clean."

I brushed my thumb over his hand, still looking down at his wrist. As long as I was speaking my mind... "I shouldn't have left you alone. I knew you had to be in pain..." Stupid, stupid thing to do.

"That's the first time I've hurt myself in quite a while," he said, squeezing my hand. "I won't do it again."

"How do you know?" I asked, pulling him closer. He could say that truthfully now, but how did he knew his emotions wouldn't get out of control again. "How do you know you won't feel something like that again? I don't want to leave you alone if you're having thoughts like this."

"I won't, Axel," he said, trying to convince me.

"How do you know for sure?" I asked. His voice sounded truthful, but he could just have been trying to get me to believe him so I would leave him alone again. He might have been planning something more drastic. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he got hurt again, by his own hand or that of anyone else.

"Because if I hurt myself..." he said with a sigh, "I would be hurting you." I paused, taken aback. He continued, "Thinking about you... that's what made me stop. I thought about how you've helped me when no one else would. You took me in, and saved me more often than you realize. What kind of thanks would it be if I had died today? What made me stop... I thought about how you would react, how you would feel, if you came home to find me dead. I thought about how it would probably hurt you to know that nothing you did mattered in the end. And it does matter, Axel. It does."

_Does he really feel that way? About me... now? _His words brought tears to my eyes and I knew they were sincere. I slipped my fingers between his, too emotional for words at the moment._ God, I really _really _love this boy_.

"I'm glad I matter to you, Roxas," I said when I could get the words to form. "You certainly matter to me." I wanted to show him how much I meant those words.

I lifted his chin, deciding to take another chance. I wouldn't kiss him, but I wanted to give him the opportunity to kiss me... if he wanted to. I hoped he did. I leaned forward, looking down at his lips. I could almost feel them against mine already. I paused, achingly close to him, and looked back up to his eyes.

He looked at me, then down at my lips, and back to my eyes. I could see hesitation in his eyes and I was about to pull away when he leaned in the rest of the way, gently touching his lips to mine.

My heart sped up, pounding in my chest as this small touch sent sweet fire through every nerve in my body. Those lips, the lips that mine have coveted for well over a year, felt like heaven to me. I pulled him closer, wanting even more contact between us, needing him more than ever. My tongue grazed his bottom lip, seeking entry. He parted his lips, allowing me access. I felt his fingernails in my back as I lightly sucked on his tongue.

Needing oxygen, I broke the kiss. Roxas was panting, color tinting his cheeks. I moved down to kiss his neck, softly nibbling the flesh there. I knew I had gone too far when he stiffened. Immediately, I pulled back to search his face.

He didn't look at me. "I can't..." he said. My heart sped faster when I heard the pain in his voice. _No_.

He broke contact, rushing over to the ladder and climbing out of the pool. I stayed as I was, frozen in place until he had shut the door behind him.

I clenched my fists, knowing I had hurt him with my actions. After clambering out of the pool, I went inside, not even noticing that I was probably going to ruin the carpet. It wasn't a very good time, but I had to talk to him. I had to make sure he was going to be okay. I was halfway down the hall when I heard the shower. Something in the back of my mind, where there was still rational thought, said, _He's just washing off the chlorine_. However, the irrational, emotional part of my brain that was now responsible for most of my thoughts, said, _Of course he would want to scrub away the feeling of your hands all over him_.

I shut my eyes, grimacing at the thought. I tried to ignore it as I scurried upstairs, staying just long enough to quickly rinse, dry and put on a set of fresh clothes. Then, I all but ran back downstairs, relieved to still hear the water from his shower running.

I sighed, sitting down across from his bathroom door. He probably wouldn't want to talk to me ever again, but I at least wanted to get enough out of him to know that I hadn't caused any permanent damage. After that... I didn't know what was going to happen. I wanted to apologize, even if he didn't accept it. I had to... I had to... My thoughts were driving me insane. I didn't know what I had to do, I just knew that I had to do _something_. I had to do something to make this right. I couldn't lose him, not now.

I heard the shower shut off and quickly composed myself, making sure my face betrayed no emotion. _You're dead inside... You actually might be_.

I heard a bit of commotion and a few moments later, Roxas emerged from the bathroom. I briefly noticed that he was wearing my jeans. He couldn't be _completely _disgusted with me, then. That thought diminished when he winced as he saw me. His eyes met mine long enough for me to see that he had been crying before he looked away.

He closed his eyes, turning his body slightly away from me. "Roxas..." I managed to say after clearing my throat. "Did I hurt you?"

Silence.

"I'm sorry if I did," I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking. "What I did tonight... that was wrong. I shouldn't have kissed you when I knew you wouldn't be ready for something like that." God, I'd practically forced myself on him. I was no better than anyone else who had ever tried to rape him, or succeeded. I shuddered. Was that how he saw me now, as someone who just wanted to take advantage of him? That wasn't what I wanted at all. The last thing I would ever wanted to do was hurt him... but I had, hadn't I?

"Excuse me," he said, retreating into his room and closing the door on me.

I heard him slide to sit down against the door. I decided to do the same. Maybe if I was there when I came out... Maybe he would talk to me. I thought about moving, though. That door was the only way out of his bedroom, and I was blocking it. I didn't want to make him feel trapped, like he _had _to talk to me. If our positions were reversed, I didn't know whether I would want to talk to me or not, though I was slightly biased on the issue.

I sighed, holding my head in my hands and not bothering to ward off the tears that were falling. What the hell was I doing, anyway? I shouldn't have gotten this deeply involved with him yet. I loved Roxas more than anything else, but to him it seemed as if we had only just met. I had no right to make advances toward him at all right now. I'd really messed up this time.

"I know you can hear me," I said. "I'll be right here when you're ready to talk."

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><p><strong>AN: I've had internet issues for a while, which is why I couldn't upload. I know there's a new excuse every time I'm late. That's just my luck. Sorry this took so long, but here it is. Expect more soon. Also, I'm simultaneously writing this and Insult to Injury, so there won't be much of a wait there once I start putting chapters up. Thanks for reading. Please review. :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary**: When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? Warning: Involves physical/sexual abuse.

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>I sat there all night, never moving my head from my knees and staining my jeans with tears. I really didn't want to lose Roxas. I hoped beyond hope that there was a way I could fix this.<p>

I'd thought about writing a note, something along the lines of, "I'm sorry for hurting you, but I know there's nothing I can do to make it up to you. You probably never want to see me again, but I don't want you to feel like you can't stay here. More than that, I don't want you to go back _there_. So I'll leave. You can stay here. The house, the car, the money... everything I have to give... is yours. I'll work out the legal stuff and after I sign it all over to you, you never have to see me again."

I'd cried even more when I thought about how true those words would have been. I never wrote them, but if I had, I would have meant every one of them. Nothing I had, even my own life, would mean anything to me without him. It would have been easier to do that than to stay. If I stayed, I would have to face him. If I faced him, I would have to hear him tell me that he hates me, that he's disgusted with me and that he never wants to see me again. If I just... left... I would never have to hear those words from him.

In the end, I stayed. It was the right thing to do, and it's what Roxas deserved. I knew that as soon as he did say those things to me, I really would be dead inside. I had no idea what I would do after that. Maybe I would go back to the Organization, take his punishment for him and get used by Xemnas until I died. Maybe I would just go ahead and kill myself, but then Roxas would have to go back into servitude. I couldn't do that to him. I didn't want to live in a world without Roxas and I didn't want to be numb again, but Roxas was still my number one priority. He deserved his freedom and I would give it to him no matter what happened.

I heard movement on the other side of the door and tensed. When I heard him grip the doorknob, I stood, pressed my hand to the door, and asked, "Roxas?"

"I'm gonna come out now," he said, sounding like he was losing his voice.

I stepped away from the door as it slowly opened. Roxas stepped out and closed it behind him, never looking at me. He didn't look angry, but I was still afraid of the upcoming conversation.

"Roxas," I said, lifting my hand, but thinking twice about touching him. "Roxas, look at me," I said, my voice breaking. I forced myself to hold back new tears. What did it mean if he couldn't stand to look at me? Was he really so disgusted with me? _Please... don't hate me_.

He lifted his eyes to me and I could see that he had been crying, like me, probably all night. I hated myself in that instant for causing him any sort of pain. The tears streaked on his face were there because of me, because of what I had done to him. I would never be able to forgive myself for that.

He gulped before saying, "I'm sorry."

That... was the last thing I had expected him to say. "For what?" I asked, blinking back my surprise.

"For running out on you like that," he said, looking down at the floor.

Okay... at least he didn't seem to hate me. "Roxas," I said, licking my dry lips and scrunching my eyebrows in confusion. "You had the right to be emotionally distraught. You were in pain, and I shouldn't have approached you like that. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, and that's what I did." I looked away, willing the moisture away from my eyes.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look up at me, his eyes wide as he said, "You didn't hurt me, Axel."

I wanted to believe those words were true, but I couldn't bring myself to. Not yet. "I shouldn't have kissed you," I breathed _It was a mistake. Please forgive me_.

"As I recall, I kissed you," he said, leaning over to try to look into my eyes.

"You did," I said with a sigh. "But I initiated it. I made you feel like you didn't have a choice."

"Axel, I-" he began.

"If you didn't want to kiss me, you could have backed away," I said, trying to explain. I didn't want him to think I was some kind of sexual predator, thinking solely of my own desires.

"Axel," he said, a little more firmly this time.

"I shouldn't have-"

"Axel!" he exclaimed, laying his hand on my arm.

I looked down at where our skin touched, as confused as ever. The contact made me feel a hell of a lot better. At least I knew he could still stand to touch me. He was even trying to make me feel better when it was he who really needed consoling.

"I wanted to kiss you," he said after I looked back up at him.

"Then..." I said, searching his eyes and finding truth. "Why...?"

He winced, causing my heart to speed up, before saying, "You bit my neck." He paused, then continued, "My father does... did... that. Even after he stopped molesting me. It was his way of letting me know that I was his. It just brought up the memories when you did it." He looked so... defeated as he explained that to me.

_The bastard_. "I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't know. I won't do it again." If that was all there was to it, my worries were gone. I'd just have to be more careful in the future and not let myself get carried away. Still, I'd try not to make too many advances. I wouldn't do anything before he was ready.

"I'm sorry for overreacting like I did," he said. "I must have made you feel so..."

Before he could finish, I pulled him toward me, wrapping my arms around him cautiously, trying not to hurt his ribs. I couldn't control myself. I was just so happy he didn't hate me. "I thought I did something horrible that hurt you," I said, relief almost bringing more tears to my eyes. "I'm just glad you're alright."

I felt his small, slender arms wrap around me, his head resting on my chest as he said, "I am now."

I wouldn't go looking for him, but if I ever saw Cloud Strife again, even in passing, I was sure I would actually kill him. I chuckled at the thought.

"What's funny?" Roxas asked.

"Nothing," I said, not wanting to reveal my fantasies about murdering his so-called father. "I just would have loved to see the look on your father's face when he found out you were dating Hayner."

Roxas went tense. I pulled back slightly without letting go of him to see the reason for his distress.

"Sorry," he said. "I'm fine. I don't think my father knew I was seeing someone. If he had..." He shivered.

"Well," I answered, "I'd bet he'd be pissed to know you didn't belong to him at all."

He backed away and I immediately lowered my arms.

"Hayner and I never..." he said, biting his lip and looking down at his feet. "We didn't..."

_Thank... God_. "Oh," I said, trying not to jump for joy. "I'm sorry, I just assumed... My bad." I knew that if anything _had _happened, he wouldn't have realized that anything was wrong with it, so I wouldn't have blamed him for anything. I was just so overjoyed that he hadn't slept with anyone, consensually at least, while we were apart. Considering the fact that I still considered his virtue to be intact, without even realizing it, he had saved himself for me in a way.

"It's okay," he said, shifting his weight.

"So..." I said to fill the silence, "do you want to go to school or wait another day or two?"

"I should go, but..." he said awkwardly.

"It's okay to skip a few days," I answered. "I'll make you something to eat. You look famished." My eyes wandered over him, noticing that his bandages were gone, and I said, "Then I'll replace those bandages." I chuckled halfheartedly and said, "If you're not more careful, you'll end up using all of my medical supplies."

I realized that I would _have _to go shopping soon. I barely had anything that I could turn into a meal for Roxas. In the end, I asked him to pick something out for me to make. It wasn't much, but it fed him. Then, after a quick shower, I brought Roxas back up to my bathroom to re-bandage him. It sickened me to see him like that, bruised and broken. I never wanted to see anything like that happen to him again and I would do everything within my power to protect him, even if it meant sacrificing my own well-being.

I had just tied the bandage on his wrist in place when my phone rang. _Shit_. I took it out and opened it, my heart going cold._ Saix... shiiiiiiiiit_. I put the phone on the counter, letting it ring. Hopefully, he would assume I didn't have it on me. I was just starting to relax after the ringing stopped when it started to ring again. _I'm going to have to answer this thing aren't I? _Frowning, I let it ring again. When it stopped, the two beeps at the end told me that he'd left me a voice mail. I'd have to check that and get back to him soon. Xemnas probably wanted to see me. I inwardly cringed, placing the phone back in my pocket and glancing up at Roxas' puzzled expression. "I don't want to have to deal with those idiots right now," I mumbled, fiddling with my hair. I paused, inspecting a strand. I really needed to fix it.

"I kinda like it like that," said Roxas, smiling at me. "You don't have to spike it all the time do you?"

"I'm used to it that way," I said with a shrug. "I just didn't bother to fix it because..." _Because I thought I was losing you at the time_.

"I'm sorry I had you so worried about me," he said with a sigh. "But I'm fine now. I just hid because I thought you'd be mad at me."

That made absolutely no sense. I brushed his cheek and said, "I could never be mad at you." I bit my lip, deciding to take a very brave chance. He'd said that he had wanted to kiss me, so I didn't think he would resent me for trying again. I let my fingers trail over his face, tracing his jaw and sliding down his neck. I lightly touched the still-visible finger marks that foolish bastard had left on him before moving my hand to his chest, feeling the beat of his heart under my hands. "Is this okay?" I asked, loving the way his heart sped at my touch.

He nodded, touching my hand. "It's alright to touch my neck," he said. I could tell he was trying to keep his breathing even. "Just don't bite it."

"So..." I said, leaning closer to him. I paused slightly before lightly tracing his clavicle with my lips. I could hear his heart pounding so close to my ear. It was a beautiful sound. I kissed the bottom of his neck where it met his shoulder and asked, "This is okay?"

"Yes," he breathed, tilting his head back a bit.

I smiled at his reaction and asked, "As long as I don't bite?"

"Just don't bite," he answered.

I felt him shiver when I kissed my way up his neck, suppressing my desire to nibble at his ear. I planted a kiss just under it before my lips continued their journey along his jaw. When I got to his chin, he turned his head and touched our lips together. I returned the kiss, one hand stroking his face, the fingers of the other tangling in his soft, blond hair.

I couldn't help myself. I was getting seriously turned on. I hadn't been able to be with him like this for so long and I was afraid that if I kept this up, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from going further than he was currently comfortable with. Even though I had gone well past kissing him before, he didn't know that. I had to be careful how I went about this.

He let out a tiny gasp and that was it for me. Nope. No more. He really had no idea what he was capable of doing to me. I broke the kiss, but didn't pull away entirely, mostly because if he were able to look down... _Think about fat people. Really unattractive, jiggly fat guys rolling around naked. No? Really? Okay... Vexen all hot and bothered and coming onto me. Okay, there we go_.

I pulled away from Roxas and said, "You should try to catch up on your sleep."

"It's almost noon," he said, a twinge of disappointment in his voice.

_Please don't sound so put down_. I chuckled and said, "I know, but you barely slept at all last night if you stayed awake against that door like I did. You're exhausted," I said as I traced the dark circle under one of his eyes. "Besides, I probably have to step out for a while again and I'd feel a lot better knowing you're asleep when I leave."

"Oh," he said, glancing down. _Thank you, Vexen_. "Alright, then."

I smiled, walking him to his room. I sighed as the door closed behind him, going into the living room and calling my voice mail. "_You have one new message. First unheard message_, '_I do hope for your sake that you're not ignoring us. Master Xemnas wants to speak with you. It would be in your best interest to be here as soon as you can_.' _End of message. To er-_" I closed my phone and sighed, grabbing my keys off the peg by the door.

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><p><strong>AN: Another chapter for your reading pleasure. Enjoy. Thanks for reading. Please review. :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary**: When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? Warning: Involves physical/sexual abuse.

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>When I arrived in the Castle that Never Was, Saix escorted me to the library. He pointed to a rectangular table with two chairs on each side and said, "Sit. The Superior will be along in a moment."<p>

"What am I, a fucking dog?" I asked.

The corner of Saix's mouth pulled up in a smile as he said, "Not quite yet." The way he said that made my skin crawl, but before I could respond, he walked away without another word.

I remained standing, leaning against the table. I spotted Zexion just ahead of me, between two rows of books. Sensing eyes on him, he turned and met my gaze. He looked at me for just a moment, but then his eyes grew wide. He grabbed a random book, turned, and hurried away. Strange.

"Have a seat, Axel," Xemnas said from behind me. I spun around fast enough to make myself slightly dizzy to see Xemnas already seated, his legs crossed and a smirk on his face.

I gulped, my mouth suddenly dry, and I sat in the chair across from him.

"Good," he said with a smile. "The terms of the deal are simple. You take his punishment for him, and Roxas is cleared of guilt. The crime, of course, is treason. The punishment for said crime would be ten lashings by my hand, where-after Xaldin gets to carve on you for a while, and imprisonment for a predetermined length of time." He produced a slightly lengthy document and placed it in front of me. "If you agree to the terms, sign here and here. Initial here, here, and... here." He flipped through the pages, pointing to the places I was meant to sign before handing me a pen.

I took the pen he offered, hesitating a bit before asking, "And if I do this, Roxas is free?"

"How do you mean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I mean... if I agree to this, Roxas is no longer bound to the Organization. His life is back under his control. If I agree to this, Roxas. Is. Free."

He laughed and said, "Oh no. No. This deal only frees him from his crime. He would no longer be branded a traitor. It wouldn't free him from his obligation to the Organization. No... he would still work for me."

"Then no deal," I said, pushing the document away. "Nice doing business with you, but if this isn't going to rid us of our problem entirely, I think I'll just pack up, take Roxas, and go somewhere you'll never find us."

I was about to stand up when Xemnas replied, "Oh I'm afraid that won't be possible."

"Oh, really?" I asked, settling back down. "Why not?"

The way he answered, you'd think he was talking about something as simple as how he likes his coffee. "Because, if you were to do that, you would be branded a traitor as well and Roxas' punishment would be doubled. Also, you wouldn't be able to run. I would send the entire Organization after you, searching under every rock until we found you. Now, I'll be honest, you might be able to escape before we caught you and you might even be able to stay under our radar for several years, but we would find you. And when we did, you would be wishing, 'If only I had made that deal.'" He slid the contract back across the table to me, smilng menacingly as he did.

I looked at it, then back to Xemnas as I said, "If I take this deal, I want Roxas to be free of the Organization for good. I don't want him to ever have to come back here and I don't want you to ever be able to touch him again. Am I clear?"

"If you want that, then we'll have to make a few modifications to the terms," he said, reaching for the contract.

"What kind of modifications?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"You really don't expect me to fully release Roxas, my sole keyblade bearer, from his responsibility as an Organization member just because you took one measly punishment for him do you? No, if you want that for him, you're going to have to work for it."

"How exactly do you intend for me to 'work for it'?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

He pretended to think about it for a moment before he answered, a sadistic gleam in his eye, "How about with you tied naked to my bed, screaming my name as you come for me?"

I pushed the chair back, standing with a disgusted look on my face as I said, "Hell no. I'm outta here."

I turned around to find Saix almost chest-to-chest with me.

"Wanna get out of my way?" I asked, ready to punch the son-of-a-bitch square in the jaw.

Saix glanced behind me, saying nothing. Xemnas spoke then, his voice too close for comfort, "I'm afraid I can't let you leave this castle if you are to refuse. You will stay here, imprisoned until Roxas is safely in our grasp." I felt his breath on my neck as spoke to Saix, "I'll take him down to a cell. Tell Xaldin to expect him, then go retrieve Roxas from Twilight Town. He shouldn't be too hard to find. Check Axel's residence." I heard him chuckle. "I can smell him on you, Axel."

Saix bowed slightly before turning to walk away. "Wait!" I said. He paused, looking to Xemnas for confirmation. I felt him nod before saying, "Yes, Axel? What is it?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, biting back tears. _I can't believe I'm doing this_... "I'll do it," I said past the lump in my throat, my voice little more than a trembling whisper. I'd said I would do anything for Roxas, even if it meant sacrificing my own well-being, and I meant it. If this would get rid of his problems for good... I would comply.

"Turn around and repeat that to my face," he said.

I gulped, turning in place, my heart jumping into my throat when I saw that he was barely a few inches away from me. I forced myself to look in his eyes as I said, "I'll do it."

Xemnas leaned around me, his neck practically touching my face, and said, "Pay no attention to that last request, Saix."

"Sir," Saix said before I heard his retreating footsteps.

Xemnas went to stand next to the table, beckoning me with his finger. I closed my eyes as I went over to him. _I will not cry_.

Xemnas handed me the pen before leaning over to whisper in my ear, "Sign."

I looked down at the contract, noticing that he had handwritten another two paragraphs, his signature underneath them. Reluctantly, I signed and initialed all the places he had previously shown me.

"Also initial here," he said, pointing to the handwritten part. I didn't look at the words as I did; I knew what they said.

Before I could make another remark, I found myself laying face-up on the table with Xemnas straddling my thighs.

"Wait," I said, trying to push him off. "What-" I winced as he leaned down and dug his teeth into the flesh of my neck. "No. Stop!" I said, still trying unsuccessfully to push him off of me. _Not here. Not like this_.

"Don't worry," he purred into my ear, taking it into his mouth and sucking on it before continuing, "I won't leave marks on you." He chuckled. "We don't want your little Roxie to know you're cheating on him."

"I'm not-" Before I could finish that statement, his lips crushed against mine, his teeth prying my lips apart and his tongue shoving its way roughly into my mouth. _I'm not cheating on him_.

"I think you'll find you are, in fact, cheating on him," he said with a smile when he pulled away.

"Cheating implies consent," I said, gulping down the ever-rising lump in my throat. _I will _not _cry_.

"Which you gave," he said as he forced my shirt open, "when you signed."

His hands explored my chest and I gasped, from surprise not pleasure -_never_- when he bit down on an exposed nipple. "I don't want this," I said. Despite my promise to myself, I felt a tear slide down the side of my face, landing on my ear.

He sat up, looking into my eyes, that ever-present smirk plastered on his face as he said, "That's what makes it fun." He dipped his head back down, kissing, licking, and biting all over my chest.

_You're dead inside, Axel_. His hands moved to the front of my jeans. I shut my eyes tight, more tears squeezing out of them. _You have to be_.

Just as I felt his hand on me, I heard someone clear their throat beside us. Xemnas looked up at the intruder, still gripping me. I opened my eyes, looking over to see Xigbar standing there with an encyclopedia tucked in his arms. He glanced down at me just long enough to see the pleading look I was sending him.

"Uh..." he said, not even fazed by the sight in front of him. "Sorry to, er... interrupt here, Sir, but would you kindly move elsewhere. See..." he pointed behind him, "them people are trying to read and they just can't concentrate with all the noise from y'all two."

Behind Xigbar, I could see Marluxia, Zexion, and Demyx (who was really the only one who looked upset) each with an open book in the sitting area.

"It is a library, sir," Marluxia offered. "No offense intended."

Xemnas paused, looking at the three behind Xigbar. After a moment, he mercifully released me and stood. "Very well," he said, meeting each pair of eyes individually. He then looked down at me and said, "Forgive me, Axel. It seems we'll have to continue this another time. I don't very well care for an audience, you see."

He seemed to be waiting for a response, so I nodded.

"Good," he said, straightening his clothes. "I'll summon you when you're expected. Good day."

I waited until he was gone before I dared to move. I stood, zipping my pants and buttoning what was left of my shirt.

"You okay there, sonny?" Xigbar asked.

I sighed, stuffing my hands in my pockets, keeping my gaze on the floor as I said, "Yeah. Thanks, Xigbar." I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to get the fuck out of this castle as fast as my legs could carry me.

"Don't mention it," he said, waving off my thanks. "The kid there came to get Demyx. Marly and I was there too and as I've never seen our Superior all hot and bothered before, I was kinda interested in the issue."

"Zexion..." I said, making eye contact with him. "I... Thank you."

He nodded before returning to his book. Demyx took this as his cue to shoot up out of his chair and run over to me, almost tackling me in the process.

"Oh my God, Axel! Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Demyx..." I said, trying to pry him off of me. "Air."

He backed away, fidgeting with his hands and said, "Heh... sorry."

"It's okay," I said, exhaling. "I really owe you guys."

"I'll hold you to that," Xigbar said before sauntering off. Marluxia, who hadn't ever really been interested in books, followed Xigbar out.

Demyx pulled me over to where Zexion was seated. "Thank you so much, Zexion," I said as I sat. "I mean it."

"There's no need to thank me," he said, glancing up at me.

"Why did you do it though?" I asked, sincerely curious. He wasn't supposed to be able to care.

"I actually... don't understand my own reasoning," he said. "I knew what Xemnas was planning and I also knew that you, feeling the way you do for Roxas, would come to agree. I simply... could not allow it."

"Aww, Zexy..." Demyx said, tears coming to his eyes. "That's so sweet." He wrapped his arms around his lover and said, "I love you, baby."

Zexion returned the embrace, but was otherwise silent.

"It doesn't really make a difference, though," I said, my voice shaky as I thought about what I had just agreed to. "I'll have to do it eventually."

"Why not just run?" Demyx asked. "You don't _have _to, do you?"

"We won't ever be safe until we're free of the Organization," I answered. "Xemnas would pursue us with renewed interest. I'd rather it be me to suffer than Roxas. I'll do whatever I have to to keep him safe."

"Your dedication to him is inspiring," Zexion said, looking up at me. "To willingly subject yourself to this sort of treatment for the sole purpose of protecting the one you love is quite honorable, if a bit insane."

"Yeah," I said, standing up. "Look, I should go back. I want to be there when Roxas wakes up." I could feel the overwhelming emotions creeping up on me and I didn't want to be here when they came to the surface.

"He still sleeps?" Zexion asked.

"He had a late night last night," I explained. "I told him to catch up on sleep while I was gone."

"I see," he said, returning to his book. "Until later, then."

"Later," I said with a wave.

"Bye, Axel," Demyx said, smiling at me.

I nodded and opened a portal. A few moments later, I was in my bedroom. Through fresh tears, I opened my dresser drawers, grabbing the first shirt I saw, stooping to pick up the pair of sweats I had slept in... whenever I had slept last. Then I stumbled out my door and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me before going to the shower and turning the hot water on full. I called fire, almost instantly incinerating the clothes I was currently wearing before stepping into the shower.

I didn't care that the water was still cold. I just grabbed the soap bar and started scrubbing. I'd never been raped in my life. Now that I'd come very close, now that I would probably... definitely... be raped within the next few days... I didn't know how to cope. I felt... dirty. Roxas was the only person in the world who had ever touched me so intimately. Now that someone else's hands had been on my body... It felt wrong. Disgusting. Unclean. I wanted the feeling to go away. I didn't want to feel his hands anymore, but it seemed like they were still there. I could still feel where he had touched me, where his lips had been. I could still feel his goddamn tongue inside my mouth and it made me feel like the filthiest, most vile thing that had ever existed on this earth. Even more so because I knew it would happen again. When he summoned me again... his hands would be on my body once more. His flesh would be _inside _me.

The thought made me gag, and I didn't even try to stop myself from vomiting. I watched the water push my previous stomach contents down the drain and slumped down until I was sitting on the shower floor. I pulled my knees against myself and wrapped my arms around them, letting the water fall over me, taking my tears down the drain with it. My breathing was shallow and shaky and my entire body was trembling. I knew that it was only going to get worse, but it was better that I have to do it than Roxas. I just had to keep reminding myself of my purpose in this and maybe I would be able to get through it. Still... I didn't know how much I could take before I completely shut down.

As the water gradually went from scalding hot to freezing cold, I wondered... Was this how Roxas felt?

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><p><strong>AN: So here you go. Another chapter. I'm feel like I'm getting over my horrible case of writer's block and am now able to produce better writing at an increased pace. Let's see how long that lasts, then. Thanks for reading. Please review. :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>I was able to put the incident almost completely out of my mind, instead completely devoting my time to Roxas. I could empathize now. I knew what it felt like.<p>

I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but since he thought he's only known me for a few days, I decided not to push it. I figured he would remember in time, and if not I could watch as he fell in love with me all over again. Still... my heart ached for him to remember me. All the things we've done, all the time we've shared together. If only there was a way to make him remember the good while shielding him from the bad.

Then there was school. I knew that Roxas was dreading going back, but he told me Thursday night that he wanted to go. The only reason he agreed to go was because I was staying behind with him and he was worried about me missing too much school. Yeah, right. Another few weeks and hopefully neither of us would have to worry about _school_. The only reason I agreed to go, however, was to get my revenge on the bastard that assaulted him.

The first thing he did when we got to school that morning was look for his friend Olette, who, if I remember correctly, was currently dating his ex boyfriend. This worried me slightly.

We found the girl near the bus line. She was a tiny little brunette thing with big green eyes.

"Olette!" Roxas shouted, obviously happy to see her.

She turned with a smile toward the voice of her friend, her eyes going wide and her smile fading when she saw him. I didn't blame her. I worried that someone would report abuse to a counselor or something before I could get my hands around the neck of the bastard who did this to him.

"Roxas..." she said as we walked closer to her. I knew she wanted to ask about it, but she held the question back, instead asking, "Who's this?"

"Olette, Axel. Axel, Olette," he said. "Great. Now that introductions are over, there's something I have to tell you." He paused, eyes going wide as a boy I could only assume was Hayner joined the group.

"Roxas," he said, a smug look on his face. "Where'd you get that shiner?"

"Hello, Hayner," he said, voice filled with anger, though I could tell he was scared. "Smug as ever."

Hayner pretended to gasp before saying, "Roxas! I'm hurt."

"Yeah?" Roxas asked, clenching his fists. "Me too. What a coincidence."

I felt a pang of anger at that, but I swallowed it.

The girl, Olette, suddenly asked, "What did you want to tell me, Roxas?"

"Well..." he said, shifting his weight nervously. "Did I ever tell you why Hayner broke up with me?"

She looked up at her boyfriend, who shrugged, and said, "No. Why?"

"Because I never slept with him," he blurted. "I mean... I was planning to." My heart skipped a beat at that. "On our anniversary, which was a week ago. Which was when he broke up with me. But obviously he didn't know that and started dating you before he found out. And..." He closed his mouth, shutting off the stream of words.

"Oh, shove it, Roxas," Hayner said. "You're just jealous that I chose Olette over you."

I had quite enough of this kid's bitching, so I wrapped my arm possessively around Roxas and asked, "Why would he be jealous?"

Hayner looked me over, a look on his face that asked, "Who's this freak?" _Kid, if you only knew_...

"Wow, Roxas," he laughed. "You so much of a pussy you have to get your new boyfriend to stick up for you? I mean, I obviously knew you were the girl in the relationship, but damn."

My fingers twitched. One more word out of this little punk and I swear...

"He's not my..." Roxas said, cutting himself off and looking up to me. I raised an eyebrow as he asked, "Are you my boyfriend?"

_God, yes. Please say yes_. "That's up to you," I said, pulling him against me. "You obviously know where I stand on the matter."

He blinked. "Oh... Well I guess he is but that doesn't mean-"

"Whatever," Hayner said, pulling his girlfriend along by the arm. "Come on, Olette."

I stopped paying attention to what was going on when Roxas officially stated that I was his boyfriend. I just... couldn't tear my eyes away from him. He looked up at me and blushed. "What?" he asked, trying to hide his face.

"It's just nice to have a relationship status," I said with a smile. "Come on, let's get you fed."

He gulped as I led him into the lunch room. People were glancing up at us, whispering to each other when they saw our hands connected. A few people tried to say something to Roxas, but with a death glare from me, they decided better of it. I pulled him closer to me as we went to get food.

I asked Roxas to point out the guys who were involved in the locker room incident. He looked around, pointing to a table behind ours and looking away. I looked up at the three boys sitting there. One of them, the one who had originally called him out on Monday, was staring at Roxas.

"Seifer Almasy, Tidus Fleming, Rai Jin," I said. I chuckled, mental images of crushed faces and blood splatter filling my head.

"What?" Roxas asked.

"Just thinking," I said with a chuckle. "I have a promise to keep." _A thousand times worse. Hope you boys are ready_.

The bell rang for first period, interrupting my scheming. I was slightly surprised to find Roxas going to what was supposed to be my first period class. I'd never gone before, so I never realized we had a class together. All through the class, people were whispering about us. I was contemplating just grabbing Roxas and kissing him in the middle of class to answer the most irritating question going around, "Are they, like... going out?" I decided not to cause too much of a commotion though, and simply reached across the table and took his hand.

We didn't have anything else together except lunch. It seemed like everywhere we went together, whispers followed us. It was really starting to get on my nerves.

Finally, sixth period gym, the class I had with all three of those jerks, rolled around. It was sort of difficult to initiate my revenge, since the coach was Seifer's father, but he soon muttered something about a free day before disappearing into his office.

I smiled, walking calmly over to where the three of them were standing, and tapped Seifer on the shoulder.

He turned around, eying me, and said, "Well if it isn't faggot number two. Hey, heh, do you give or take?"

He was totally surprised when my fist slammed into his face. His flunkies tried to tackle me before Seifer got back up, but a swift kick to one's throat and a jab to one of the other's very sensitive nerve bundles incapacitated them, allowing me to concentrate my full attention on Seifer, the one who, according to Roxas' reaction to him, very brutally molested him.

People were crowding around us now and someone was running for the coach, but I didn't care. I waited until Seifer picked himself off the floor and swung at me to make my next move. I caught his punch, twisting his arm behind his back, and reached around to his throat. I squeezed hard enough to cut off oxygen without completely crushing his trachea, and said, loud enough for everyone around us to hear, "Do you like fucking helpless victims, Seifer? Is that what you did to Roxas? Got your boys to gang up on him in the locker room and beat him senseless before you shot your load on him?"

I threw him to the floor. The coach was on his way, so I didn't have much more time to totally destroy him. I delivered a swift, ruthless kick to his crotch, then one to his face, and then another to his right wrist, snapping it.

"You won't be jacking off very comfortably anymore, you rapist son of a bitch," I yelled at him before dodging Coach Almasy and running off.

Okay, so it wasn't a total loss. I managed to injure Seifer, probably beyond repair, and at least send the other two to the hospital. Not as much damage as I'd hoped, but enough to satisfy me. I went to the mostly-empty library, waiting patiently for the day to end.

The librarian kept glancing over at me, but didn't make a move toward me. That is, until a very angry Coach Almasy started screaming over the intercom, "Axel Flynn, please report to the main office. Teachers, if you see Axel Flynn, please direct him to the main office. God da-"

"I'm going," I said to him before he was even out of his seat.

There were so many teachers in the office that I had to shove my way in. I don't know what they expected, but seeing me barge in grinning from ear to ear left them quite startled as I happily made my way to the principal's office.

"YOU!" Coach Almasy said, jabbing me in the chest. "I'll have you expelled for this! No, I'll have you arrested! I'll see to it that you spend a lot of time behind bars. I've got connections, boy!"

I sighed and said, "Then I guess I'll see you in court. After all the evidence I have against your son will make sure he goes away for a long time, longer than I will for the assault charges."

He paused before asking, "What do you mean? You better not be going around making false accusations against my son!"

"They're not false, I assure you," I said. "I have hard evidence, proof, that your son raped another boy in the boy's locker room of your gym this past Monday night."

"W-What evidence?" the principal asked, finally speaking.

"DNA," I said. "Semen found on the boy. There will be no problem getting a match to Seifer. I also have photographs, taken after the fact, documenting the bruises. There are some very clear knuckle patterns there. I'm sure you won't have trouble identifying them either. Anyway," I said, making my way to the door, "You set the date, and I'll see you in court. Bye, now."

"Wait," Coach Almasy said. "It was that Strife boy, wasn't it?"

I nodded.

He sighed and said, "Okay look, I'll make sure nothing like this ever happens again. I assure you, Seifer will be severely punished for what he did. Would you be willing to drop the sexual assault charges against my son if I dropped the assault charges on you?"

"That's not good enough," I said. "I want him to face the full extent of the law for what he did to Roxas. He deserves to go to prison for it. Let him see what it's like to be somebody's little bitch."

"Look," said the principal. "I understand that you're upset, and you have a right to be, but we're offering you an out here. Young mister Almasy will face the consequences of his actions. If you value your own well-being, you'll let this go."

I sighed and said, "Fine. Whatever. Just wait though. I'm not going to say, 'I told you so,' when he grows up to be a full-blown sex offender, though."

"You understand though," the principal said before letting me go, "that I'll still have to suspend you for five days, yes? You did break school rules."

"S'only fair," I said, huffing as I marched out of the office.

I wanted to see Roxas so bad right now. He had gym seventh period. The bell had only rung a few moments ago. I still had time to head him off. I wanted to be alone with him, but I guess being with him at school was better than nothing.

As it turns out, I didn't have to wait very long at all to be alone with him. After a few minutes talking, he decided that, since I'd been suspended and no one would even notice him missing from gym, it would be a wonderful idea to just ditch and go home.

As we were about to head home, however, Roxas stopped me, "Axel, wait," he said.

"Yeah?" I asked, wondering if he was having a moral debate about ditching class.

"Could you do me a huge favor?" he asked with a smile on his face.

"I couldn't say no to that face," I answered. "What is it?"

"Well..." he began. "You see... I want to see my step-mom. To see if she's okay after... what happened with my dad. I was also wondering if she'd go with me to see my mom."

"Sure thing, Roxas," I said. "But I'm not taking you back to that house."

"No, no," he said, holding up his hands. "She works at the day-care center just a couple blocks from here.

"Sure," I said with a smile. "Buckle your seatbelt."

It took us all of two minutes to get to said day-care center. I was a little nervous going in, and I had the right to be. Children usually have a very strange fascination with me. This was proven yet again when, almost as soon as I walked through the door, a two-year-old ran over and grabbed my legs.

I saw Roxas smile, calling for his step-mom, Tifa. They talked for a while, and more children began attacking me. I noticed them glancing over at me and Roxas blushed. I didn't have time to contemplate it before one kid reached up and... bit... my hair.

"Ah," I said, prying the child's hand away. "Gosh, kid, you're gonna get yourself killed. Do you know how many chemicals are in that hair you just shoved into your mouth. Go. Find something else to play with."

Thankfully, a few minutes later, Roxas saved me from the clutches of numerous tiny children, explaining that Tifa would be off work shortly and we'd be headed to see his mother. The way he talked about her... I didn't want to ask.

A while later, Tifa was walking out, having handed over her shift to a younger brunette boy.

"OKay," she said. "Let's go."

I ushered them to my car and asked, "Where we heading?"

"Sunset Hill Cemetery," Roxas said quietly.

_That's why_... I nodded, taking off in that direction.

It didn't take us long to get there. I glanced over at Roxas, who had grown very sombre as we passed through the iron gates to the cemetery.

I parked the car and Tifa got out, opening the door for Roxas. "C'mon sweetie," she said, taking his hand and wrapping her arm around his shoulders as they walked.

I waited by the car, caught up in my thoughts. I wondered what Roxas supposedly remembered about his mother, and whether or not he remembered her death. There was just so much wrong with this false life of his... and he didn't even realize that it wasn't his at all.

I watched from afar as he knelt by his dead mother's grave, tenderly touching the headstone. The whole situation was just so... sad.

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone. I took it out and opened it, tensing when I saw the "VII" on the Caller ID. I had been dreading this call, and to have it come so soon was maddening.

"Saix," I answered.

_"Xemnas summons you," _he said flatly.

"Look," I said with a sigh. "Now's not a good time." _Please, just give me another day or two to process this_.

There was a slight pause, and then, _"You wish to be hunted?"_

"No," I answered. "It's just too short-notice. I can't get away at the moment."

There was a pause, and murmuring in the background, then,_"Come as soon as you are able, but Axel?"_

"Yeah?" I sighed.

_"Best not to keep him waiting."_

I was about to reply when the line went dead.

_Shit_. I closed my phone and placed it back in my pocket, looking up just in time to see Tifa and Roxas heading back over. _Keep cool, Axel. Now's not the time to be breaking down_.

"I'll walk home from here," Tifa said after hugging Roxas.

"But..." Roxas said, puzzled. "You live on the other side of town."

"I'm not living with Cloud anymore," she answered. "I told him that if he ever laid a harmful hand on you again, that would be the last of me. I feel bad about leaving him alone, but after what he's done to you he deserves no less."

"Couldn't agree more," I said, smiling at her. "You sure I can't see you home, Mrs. ...ah... ma'am?" _Please? Buy me just a _little _more time_.

"Still Mrs. Strife for now," she said, returning my smile. "I appreciate the offer, but I'll be just fine." Before walking away, she added, "Oh, and I'd like to thank you for doing everything you've done for Roxas. He deserves to be happy for once."

I felt myself blush as I said, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

The drive home was silent. I think Roxas tried to say something once or twice, but I couldn't bring myself to even try to understand his words. I drove as slowly as I could while still going fast enough to avoid suspicion. Even so, it didn't take long enough at all to get home.

I parked in front of the garage, but left the engine on.

"Are you okay?" I asked, keeping my eyes straight ahead.

"Yes," he said. I could feel his eyes on me when he asked, "Are you?"

I tensed and lied, "Yeah. I just have to leave for a while." I glanced over at him, asking, "Are you going to be okay here by yourself?"

"I'll be good," he promised. "Why do you have to leave?"

"I have to settle something," I answered. "I won't be gone long." _I hope_.

"Okay," he sighed. "I'll see you when you get back."

"Roxas, wait," I said, stopping him before he exited the car.

"Yeah?" he asked, eyes searching my face.

I had to tell him now. I didn't know what mental state I would be in when I got back. I had to tell him while I still had a relatively clear head.

"What is it?" he asked, moving forward.

I took a short breath and leaned in, touching our lips together and holding him close to me. I wanted to remember _his _hands, _his _touch, _his _lips. I wanted to drink in as much as I possibly could of _Roxas _before I became fouled by Xemnas.

I pulled away at the thought of the other name. He didn't deserve to be in my thoughts when I was with Roxas. I leaned into him, our foreheads touching as I whispered, "I love you."

I heard him gasp, but I kept my eyes closed. I had to learn how to control my blasted tear ducts.

He pulled away from me and I opened my eyes to find his searching mine. "I love you too," he said.

I closed my eyes again, smiling as I kissed him. I wanted to stay with him, but... I knew that the longer I stayed, the more trouble I would be in. "I have to go, though."

"Okay," he said, not wanting to leave as much as I wanted to stay. "So I should probably get out of the car."

"Yes," I said, chuckling halfheartedly, "that would probably be a good idea. Though I wish you didn't have to."

"Okay then," he said as he exited the car. "Bye. Have a good time doing... whatever you're doing."

"I'm sure I won't," I said, not meeting his gaze as I drove away.

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><p><strong>AN: So I know I haven't updated this in forever. I'm sorry. I just got my laptop and am trying to catch up with everything else. I know this may be getting boring, since it's just the same information in another person's point of view, but I promise it will begin to get better in a bit... I hope. "Insult to Injury" (AoA's sequel) is into it's final stages of planning and will be completely written as soon as I get the chance. I want to write it all out before I upload any more. Be sure to also check out "Ashes to Dust" my Demyx/Zexion story which is based on the true story of the abuse and (attempted?) suicide of a dear friend of mine. Thanks for reading and please please please review! :D**


	11. Chapter 11

__**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p><em>You're dead inside<em> had pretty much become my mantra, though it wasn't working to motivate me to quell my emotions very well.

I tried so hard to suppress the fear, anxiety, and absolute hatred that was stirring inside me as Saix led me down a long hallway with only one door at the very end. My heart was beating so fast that I almost thought it would break through my rib cage.

We walked in silence to the door, where Saix knocked and said, "Axel has arrived, Master Xemnas."

"Send him in," came the reply from inside.

Saix curtly nodded toward the knob before turning to leave. I gulped down the lump in my throat, hesitating a moment before entering the room. As soon as the door had shut, I felt... incredibly vulnerable. I was now utterly alone with the man who fully intended to rape me. There were no distractions this time, no excuses for him to stop.

I kept my hand on the door, my back to him. It was a dangerous position but I just couldn't bring myself to look at him yet. Fear was winning out over all of my attempts to calm myself, and my thoughts weren't helping the matter very much. My rational and emotional sides were practically at war with each other, my rational side trying without success to suppress my emotional side, knowing that an emotional response was exactly what Xemnas wanted.

I took a deep breath and turned around. I had never been inside Xemnas' private chamber before and was surprised to find that it was not the uniform white that made up the rest of the castle. The room was round with two doors leading off the right side. There was a soft, dark red carpet under my bare feet and black velvet curtains lining the walls. The four-poster bed was pushed against the far wall, with crimson curtains matching the carpet that were tied back to reveal Xemnas sitting shirtless in the middle.

His eyes skimmed over my body and I had to suppress a shudder when he said, "Undress."

I closed my eyes, gathering my courage, and said, "No."

"Axel," he said, his voice mockingly gentle, "I'm trying to make this easy for you. It's in your best interest to cooperate."

"I'm here, aren't I?" I shrugged. "I agreed to this, but there's no way I'm gonna obey every fucking word you say. You want me, you'll have me, but I'm not about to take this lying down... so to speak."

"You'll have scars," he said, making me pause. He stood up, slowly crossing the room, as he said, "Bruises, cuts, _teeth _marks." He smiled, stopping less than a foot from me. He reached out, trailing his fingers down my chest as he continued, "If that's how you want it, it's fine with me, but I'm not going to be gentle with you. You'll go home with a lot of very visible, very _intimate _marks that Roxas will be sure to notice. Do you really want to have to explain those to him?"

"I don't care," I said, closing my fists. "I'd rather be raped a hundred times over than willingly submit to you just once."

"As you wish," he said with a shrug. "But don't expect me to go easy on you." He leaned in, his breath ghosting across my cheek as he whispered, "I'm going to ravish you."

I twisted away from him and he lunged at me without warning, his hand going for my neck. I ducked swiftly out of the way, momentarily losing my balance. He took the opportunity and kicked my feet out from under me, causing me to fall face-first onto the floor. I refused to let the pain stop me and rolled away, jumping to my feet before he had the chance to grab me.

I huffed, dodging another swing of his fist. I knew I was outmatched. He was far stronger that me and if he somehow got me pinned, I was done for. It was a pointless struggle, but I refused to go down without a fight.

I leapt at Xemnas, feigning a blow to his stomach before swinging around and going for his eyes. His arm flew up, easily swatting my hand away. I ducked and stepped around him, clambering onto his back and putting him in a sleeper hold. He scratched at my arm, drawing blood, and stumbled backward toward the wall. He threw himself against it, knocking the breath out of me and causing my vision to go blurry. If I could only hold on a little longer...

He slammed my body repeatedly into the wall, finally succeeding in knocking me down after the third time. My butt hit the floor and my head hit the wall in the same instant, but I forced myself to keep going. I pushed against the wall, forcing myself into a half-standing position. Xemnas' knee caught my elbow, pinning it against the wall. With my free hand, I latched onto his leg, biting the inside of his thigh just above his knee.

He groaned, grabbing my hair and pulling my head up. "Now you're just turning me on," he chuckled.

Immediately, I let go. I tried to back away, but his grip on my hair didn't falter. My hands flew up, clawing at his fingers. Damn my long hair! I felt his other hand around my wrist and I knew that I was in trouble. He pulled on my hair with much more severity as I tried to get back on my feet. With one fierce tug, he pulled me forward toward the bed. I twisted around, my free hand going to his wrist, my fingernails digging into the soft skin there, and I felt his blood seeping onto my fingers. He ignored my efforts, dragging me by my hair and only letting go when my head hit the foot of the bed, though he kept a firm grip on my wrist. He moved his hands under my arms and hoisted me onto the bed. I tried once more to twist away from him, but he pushed me backward, climbing on top of me and straddling my hips.

I pushed forcefully at his chest, but my efforts were in vain. His hands went to my shirt, deftly undoing the buttons and pushing the fabric aside. I shivered, pulling the sides of the shirt back together. Xemnas lifted an eyebrow, reaching over to the table beside the bed. From the drawer, he produced two sets of handcuffs.

My eyes widened when he dangled the cuffs in front of my face. "No, wait, wait!" I shouted, reaching up to push his hand away. "You don't need to do that," I said, my fingers brushing the cold steel.

"Don't I?" he asked, threading his fingers through mine and pushing my hand down. He lowered his head, barely an inch away from me when he said, "Let this be a warning. Don't make me have to restrain you."

His mouth went to my neck, sucking a point just below my jaw line. I felt the sharp sensation of his fingernails biting into the sensitive flesh above my hips and retched as they went to the front of my jeans. His mouth covered mine, his teeth tearing my lips apart as he shoved his tongue roughly into my mouth. I forced myself not to try to push him off of me. As much as I wanted to fight him, I did _not _want him to handcuff me to his bed.

He licked a trail down my neck and I hadn't realized that he had undone the button of my jeans until he reached into them. I gasped and tried to pull my knees up when I felt his cold fingers wrap around me.

"Ah, ah, ah," he said with a smile, sliding my pants down around my thighs and pushing me firmly down. He grabbed my hair, weaving his fingers through it as he kissed me again.

_It's just sex_, I told myself. _It's meaningless_.

He pulled his hand out of my pants and lifted it to my face. "You're beautiful, you know," he said, stroking my cheek. He slid down my body, lapping at my left nipple as he said, "I finally have your gorgeous body all to myself."

_He's trying to provoke you_, I thought to myself. _Don't respond_.

"You're a virgin aren't you?" he asked, looking me in the eye. When I looked away without responding, he tugged roughly at my hair and said, "Answer me."

"You know I am," I hissed.

He smiled and said, "I'm glad I have the pleasure of taking that from you." He paused, pinching my nipple between his fingers. "Just like I took it from Roxas."

I inhaled sharply, tightening my fists at my sides. I knew he'd hurt Roxas, but he'd never said so to my face. I remembered how I'd found him, battered and curled up in a corner of his room. The memory was much like the more recent one of when I found him in the locker room. _Do not punch him, Axel. Do not_.

"Oh yes," Xemnas said, trailing his fingers up and down my sides. "How fitting that I am taking from you exactly what I took from him. You, however, are not as... compliant as he was, not as easy if you will. He went down almost without a fight. And, oh, how he screamed."

"Shut up," I spat, bucking my hips so forcefully that I almost threw him off of me.

"That's the spirit," he said, once again pulling my lips apart with his teeth and shoving his tongue between them. I bit the offending member, faintly tasting blood in my mouth. This action, however, only succeeded in exciting him more. He continued exploring my mouth as he began to grind his hips against mine, his hardening length now fully discernible through his jeans.

"Yes," he said when he finally stopped for air, blood dripping from the side of his mouth. "Fight me. I actually find it quite enjoyable. Roxas was much less of a challenge."

"Stop talking about him," I sneered.

"He was so easy to dominate," he said, trailing a finger along my jaw line.

"I swear-"

"You like the idea," he interrupted. "You know you want to dominate him. You've fantasized about claiming him as yours. Too bad I beat you to it."

"You'll never touch him again," I said, the air around me beginning to heat.

"Now, now," he said with a chuckle. "Don't excite yourself just yet."

"You're with me right now," I said with a gulp. I reached for his face, crushing my lips against his. Anything to keep his mind off of Roxas. "Concentrate on me." My jaw tightened as I forced myself to wrap one leg around him and run my fingers down his bare chest. "It's very rude to talk about past experiences during... sex." I could barely force myself to form the last word.

He settled between my legs and said, "While I certainly appreciate your false enthusiasm, it is hardly necessary." He slowly inched his way downward until his head hovered inches away from my groin. "Now be a good whore and shut up."

"I'm not a whore," I said as he went to remove my boxers.

"You think so?" he asked, his fingers curled underneath the rim of my underwear. "Well I beg to differ. You signed a contract agreeing to this. In return, I allow that traitor Roxas to live unharmed, even granting his freedom. Payment for services rendered, wouldn't you say?" He began pulling at my boxers with his teeth. "You can lie to yourself all you want, but you consented to this the moment you signed that contract, the moment you came here to fulfill the terms." He looked up and me, his eyes gleaming with lust. "You're nothing but a whore, Axel. You're _my _whore now, and I'll make sure you never forget it."

With one strong tug, he ripped my boxers away, pulling them and my jeans off of my body and throwing them onto the floor. Well, that was the end of it then. No more stalling. Here I was, now completely naked with Xemnas straddling my hips. The reality of the situation I currently found myself in became too much to handle as Xemnas shimmied out of his jeans, his semi-erect penis coming into view. I tried to pull back as his tongue travelled my length, beginning to panic as I realized that I was _actually here_, about to be raped, about to have my virginity violently ripped from me by a man I sincerely loathed, and that there was no emergency exit. No escape. Just me and Xemnas.

For the first time since I walked through his door, my brain switched on and I felt real fear. What was this going to accomplish anyway? There was no reasoning with Xemnas. He would get his way eventually. He always did. For all I knew, this could have been what he'd wanted all along and I had just walked right into his trap.

"No!" I yelped as his hands made their way down between my legs. I twisted my body in a useless effort to get myself away from him. _This is what he wants_, said the fading rational part of my brain. _Don't give him an emotional response_. I tried to listen to myself, but I just couldn't control my emotions anymore. Fear was overpowering everything else right now. "Don't do this," I begged, tears falling down my cheeks. "Please," I breathed, my voice cracking.

"Are you really going to reduce yourself to begging?" he asked, taking me into his mouth for a moment and letting me slip right out. "I thought you were better than that, Axel. Though, I do admit that is amusing."

"I'll do anything," I said. "Anything else. Just don't make me do this, please."

"Roxas said much the same thing," he said, tracing small circles just above my pubic area. "You know there was a point when I suspected that your hair was dyed, but now that I've seen the rest of you that suspicion has been proven false." He chuckled and continued, "Anyway, I believe his exact words were, 'Please, Master Xemnas, I'll do anything you want. Please just stop this.' I found it adorable that he still called me 'Master.' I do believe I traumatized him."

"I told you to stop talking about him," I sneered, swatting at his hand.

"But your reactions are so amusing," he pouted. He lifted his hand to my face and said, "You're so fierce, Axel. I mean, Roxas had spirit, but not at all like you." He leaned down to whisper into my ear, "He begged me to stop too. 'Why are you doing this?' he asked me. But he was too easy. He gave in so quickly."

"Shut up!" I yelled, lifting my knee so it was between us.

"He came for me, you know," he said with a chuckle. "You might even say he enjoyed it. And the taste of him was so heavenly." He licked his lips and smiled down at me.

I clenched my teeth, calling fire to my hands and clawing at his face. He laughed as his flesh was burnt where I touched him and only moments after the skin on his face was charred and blackened, it was pristine again. He took my hands in his, smoke rising from where they made contact, and the strangest thing happened. Even as I was calling fire, my entire body went cold as death. Then I slowly started to go numb. Starting with my hands, the feeling (or lack thereof) spread up my arms to my shoulders and down my torso to my legs until I had lost feeling in my entire body.

Xemnas moved one of his hands to my forehead and it seemed like as soon as he did so, everything just shut down. I couldn't see or hear anything anymore, and neither could I smell or taste. It was complete sensory deprivation. I couldn't even manage my thoughts. It seemed that as soon as I would think something it would slip away like I had never thought it to begin with. The entire experience was maddening.

The next thing I knew, I was face down on the bed, my arm twisted behind my back and all the feeling and senses returned to my body.

"What?" I asked, not comprehending what had just occurred.

He leaned down and hissed into my ear, "I'm going to break you."

I bit my lip to keep myself from crying out as I felt the tip of him slide past a very tight ring of muscle. Thankfully, almost as soon as it had entered, it withdrew.

"That won't do," he sneered, dragging his fingernails painfully down my back. I felt blood well up in the wounds left in their wake. "I want to hear you scream."

The hand that had been holding my arms down was removed. Moments later, both of his hands were on my hips, lifting them off the bed. As soon as my knees were under me his right hand went to my neck, pressing my cheek into the bed. I felt him shift behind me and before my brain could even process what was happening, he forced his entire length into me in one swift and brutal motion. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't even _try _to hold in the bloodcurdling scream that erupted from my lungs. I clutched at the sheets as he began to move in me, not even considering giving me the time to adjust to the intrusion and greatly intensifying the already searing pain that was radiating through my entire body.

"Yes," he said, pulling out almost completely before slamming back into me. "Scream." He laughed. "Scream until your voice goes hoarse. I want to hear your pain."

I felt something trickling down my legs, probably blood. At the moment, I didn't care. I just wanted to fade into the mattress below me and simply disappear. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to feel this man's hard, pulsing shaft inside of me, tearing me with every thrust. I didn't want to hear his heavy breathing above me, the sickening sound of skin slapping together as his hips met my ass, or the shallow grunts that were all but drowned out by my own screaming. I smelled like sweat and sex, I tasted copper in my mouth, and all I could see were tears.

The hand on my hip moved around to grasp my length, sliding languidly, almost casually, from base to tip. Pain overpowered any arousal I might have felt as he stroked me in time with his thrusts, which were gaining speed and ferocity. I knew he was close and, as much as I hated the thought of feeling his fluids inside of me, I just hoped he would hurry and finish so this nightmare could end.

Several agonizing thrusts later, I heard his breath hitch, a moan escaping his lips as he shot his seed into me before abruptly pulling out of me. He then shoved me down, pushing my body away from his with a low growl, as if he were greatly disgusted with me. I heard him slipping back into his clothes and numbly reached to do the same until my hand was slapped away.

"Don't even think about covering yourself," he said and, if I didn't know better, I would have thought he was genuinely angered. I heard him cross the room and the sound of the door opening before he said, "I'm going to shower. Stay as you are. When I return, you owe me an orgasm. Then we'll head down to meet Xaldin and begin your punishment."

When he closed the door behind him, I knew that I had to get out of here before he got back. I couldn't have taken any more if I'd wanted to at that point. I also knew that it probably would have been best for me to just stay and endure whatever else Xemnas was planning for me instead of running off and having to endure worse later, but... I just couldn't... I couldn't.

I rolled off of the bed, landing on the carpeted floor with a small jab that had me seeing stars for a few moments. I managed to lift my hand, opening a portal to the only place Xemnas didn't know about... the only place I would be safe. I barely managed to force myself to crawl through, closing it as soon as I was over, before I completely collapsed.

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><p><strong>AN: It was so difficult to write this chapter because I did not want to have to imagine Axel in this situation. O.o More later.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>I was awakened by a firm hand on my shoulder. I reacted instinctively, grabbing the intruding wrist and pulling whoever it belonged to down to the floor.<p>

"Hey, woah," said a recognizably non-hostile voice. "Uncle. Uncle!"

It was only then that I realized that of course Demyx would be here. I was in his apartment.

I clambered to my feet. Well... at least I tried to. I didn't make it very far before falling back to the floor. My entire body seemed to be hypersensitive to every single sore spot and I could barely feel my legs.

I let out a loud grunt as I tried and failed to stand up, once again landing on the floor. I felt Demyx kneel beside me.

"Ax..." he said, biting his lip as I looked up at him. "Oh, God, Ax, I didn't... I... Oh, God."

"What day is it?" I asked, looking around for some clue as to what time it was.

"Uh..." he said. "It's either really late Friday night or really early Saturday morning."

"Shit," I said with a shaky breath, glancing over at a tearful Demyx. "Did you just get in?"

He shook his head, his wide eyes never leaving my face. "I've been trying to wake you up for over an hour. I almost called somebody before you came to."

I paused, "No one else knows I'm here, do they, Dem?"

"No, no," he said, shaking his hands. He let out a nervous laugh before saying, "I don't think anyone else knows this place even exists."

I let out a relieved sigh as I pulled myself, still naked, up onto Demyx's well-used couch. Over the past year, Demyx had made quite the friendship with a little-known wizard in Traverse Town, which was one of the very first places I'd gone in my search for Roxas. The wizard, whose name I still didn't know, made arrangements for Demyx to stay in the small loft above the Accessory Shop. It wasn't much, but to Demyx it was home, and it was safe.

"Yeah," I said, running my fingers through my hair. "If you don't mind, Demyx, I'd really appreciate the use of your shower."

"Oh," he said, his eyes widening as he jumped off the couch. "I'm _so _sorry, Ax, I... Shit... yeah, it's through there."

I stood, very awkwardly, not bothering to point out that I knew where his bathroom was as I headed in the direction he'd pointed.

"Uh..." he said just before I got to the door. "When you get done, I'll cure what I can of that and give you a potion for the rest."

I managed a very weak, but genuine smile before I closed the bathroom door behind me.

I turned to the small shower stall, the door squeaking a bit as I pulled it open, and turned the hot water on all the way, once again not bothering to touch the cold, and stepped in as soon as the water was warm.

I was calmer this time as I scrubbed myself until my skin turned red with a very feminine baby blue luffa... type... thing. I got slightly light-headed when I saw the amount of blood that went down the drain, but I had expected the blood, especially since my scrubbing had re-opened the previously closed wounds. My entire body was sore and it hurt to move, but I managed.

When I was done cleansing myself, I stayed under the spray only for another few minutes before turning the shower off. Even though I knew Demyx would understand, as a guest in his apartment I didn't want to waste the hot water. My brain didn't seem to be keeping up with the trauma that had been done to my body. It was like... really _really _bad jet lag.

My body, however, was fully aware of what had been done to it and certainly let me know that it didn't like it. Before I was even able to wrap myself in a towel, I was on my knees being violently ill in Demyx's toilet, a small layer of cold sweat coating my skin. I hated throwing up, especially when there wasn't much in my stomach. My body wanted to expel the filth, but there was really nothing there to get rid of. I kept kneeling there, spitting up a whole lot of nothing until I forced myself to _stop_. Then I just sat there, trying to keep myself from shaking to pieces, and not really succeeding. I didn't know when I started to cry, but I guess it didn't matter much. I completely broke down, sitting there naked and in tears on my best friend's bathroom floor, the taste of vomit still coating my mouth and throat.

I heard Demyx knock on the door. "Axel?" he asked softly, his hand on the locked doorknob. "Axel, I'm coming in."

I couldn't bring myself to move, even when Demyx came out of the portal he'd opened to get in.

"Oh, God, Axel," he said, a sympathy dripping in his voice. "You're shaking like a leaf. Here," he said, as he wrapped me in a fresh towel and tentatively sat next to me.

I nodded my thanks, trying to stop the continuous stream of tears running down my face. I tried not to concentrate on the pain, but... it was just so much. I glanced over at Demyx, who was staring down at his shoes, little white and blue checkered sneakers made to resemble Converse. Demyx was the best friend I'd ever had. He was probably trying very hard to hold back all the questions and tears that I knew had to be there, all for my sake. I watched him, taking in his wide eyes, quivering lip, and hands that were clenched at his sides.

He gulped before saying, "He really did a number on you." He gave me a quick once-over, asking, "Did he...?"

I took in a heavy, shaky breath, quivering all over. I held tightly to my knees and I could barely force the words out, "He... He raped me, Dem." I let my head fall onto his shoulder and he immediately wrapped his arms around me.

"I don't know what to say," he said as I went into hysterics. "It's going to be okay."

"No it won't," I choked. "He violated me. Took my fucking virginity. He did terrible things to me, and I just laid there and... I could have fought harder, but I just let him. I just let him _fuck _me."

"Shh," Demyx said, rubbing my back. I felt his tears falling onto my skin as he said, "It wasn't your fault. He could have killed you."

"He wouldn't have killed me," I whispered.

"This wasn't... part of that deal you made, was it?" he asked, pulling away to search my face.

I nodded and said, "I just... I wanted Roxas to be free. I didn't want him to have to deal with the Organization's puppet strings ever again so I... I agreed. And now he can fuck me whenever he wants until he feels that Roxas' freedom has been paid for. I'm like his whore, Demyx. Just like his fucking whore." My voice broke, and my calm was shattered as I once again began to tremble. It was just as Xemnas had said. I was nothing but his whore anymore and there was nothing I could do about it.

Demyx stared, unable to speak for a while until he finally took a breath and said, "But... that's not... He can't do that! I mean... look at you! Look at what he did to you! He can't keep hurting you like this!"

"He won't hurt me if I don't fight," I huffed. "But like hell will I ever _consent_."

"Oh..." he said, biting his lip. "I can heal up some of those wounds if you'd like?" he asked, looking to me for permission. I had to force myself to nod. "...Kay," he said, his hands gently moving me forward. He took a small breath before placing his hands on my back, one of the many places where Xemnas had gouged me with his fingernails. I saw a faint green glow, and felt a soft warmth spread over me as the spell knit my flesh back together. I tried to be as still as possible as he worked, moving as he directed me. I kept my expression blank the entire time, not even blinking as his hands moved to more sensitive areas. His hands never actually made contact with my skin, but I could tell that he was uncomfortable venturing so close.

"Done," he said, his voice shaking slightly. "I'll get you a potion for the rest. Come on."

I helped him lift me off the floor, not saying a word. He set me gently onto the couch, going to search nearby drawers.

"I know I had one somewhere," he said. "Hold on." He disappeared into his bedroom for a few seconds before yelling, "Aha! Found it!" He came out holding a small bottle of translucent green liquid, handing it to me as he sat next to me.

I popped the cork out of the bottle, downing the potion in one gulp. I tried to ignore the sickeningly sweet, yet slightly sour taste as it slid down my throat. I felt immediately better.

"Thanks, Dem," I said, handing him the empty bottle as I relaxed against the couch.

"Sure," he said, tossing the bottle in the general direction of the kitchen area.

We sat in silence for a few minutes until he broke it, "Are you gonna be okay?"

I cleared my throat and said, "I don't know. I just..." I sighed.

"What?" he asked, his eyes searching my face.

"I just keep asking myself... if this is how Roxas felt." I closed my eyes, willing away the memories of finding him curled up in the corner of his bedroom, broken and teary-eyed. I stood suddenly, ignoring the slight vertigo this caused. I _had _to see him, so much so that it was almost a physical need.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, standing to stop me.

"Home," I answered, trying to maneuver around him.

"You can't," Demyx said, his voice going slightly higher. "You're not well."

"Demyx," I said, holding up the towel I still wore around my waist, "I have to go back to Roxas. I told him I wouldn't be gone long. He's probably freaking out already. Plus, Xemnas doesn't know he lives with me. What if he sends someone there looking for me and finds him there?"

"Why would he be looking for you?" Demyx asked with a gulp.

"I kinda... ran out on him," I admitted. "Which is all the more reason I need to get home as soon as possible." I looked up at Demyx's wide, fearful eyes and said, "What?"

He gulped and said, "He's... gonna be really mad."

"Xemnas can't _get _mad, Dem," I pointed out.

"I know that!" he said, almost hyperventilating. "But you know what I mean! He's gonna be pissed. Oh, damn it, you know he's gonna get revenge on you!"

"Yeah," I said, running my hand through my hair. "I know."

"I still think you should stay here for a while," Demyx said. "You're exhausted, and in no condition to see Roxas right now. Stay here, get some sleep. Eat something. You're welcome to anything you find in the fridge, and you can use my bed. I'll go watch your house for you. If anything happens, I'll come right back and get you, okay?"

I hesitated just a moment before I agreed.

"Okay," Demyx breathed. "You can borrow a set of clothes. I don't mind. Just... sleep, okay? Take care of yourself."

"You'll come right back the moment something happens?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I swear," he said raising his right hand.

"Okay then," I said, going to Demyx's bedroom. I quickly clothed myself in a comfortably fitting pair of jeans and a random band t-shirt before curling up on Demyx's bed for some much needed rest.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay. Here's another chapter for my awesome viewers. The story is almost completely written. I just have to get the end tidbits now and I'll be done. Keep a look out of more coming up. Thank you for reading. I live for reviews. :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>I woke up to the quaint familiar scent of dragon's blood incense and wood polish, rolling over onto my back and examining the flecks of dust that were spiraling around in the sunlight streaming through the wooden blinds. I smiled, joints popping as I stretched, and reached over to find the warm body that would surely be there. When my hand met nothing but an empty bed, I shot up, looking around frantically. It took me a while to remember that I was in Demyx's bedroom, but once I realized this fact, my panic died down. I almost laid back down before looking up at the clock hung above his door. Damn, it was already three. Roxas must have been worried sick about me by now.<p>

I almost completely ransacked Demyx's dresser while looking for a fresh set of clothes. Demyx was just about my size, so most of his clothes fit me pretty well. I chose a light green button up shirt and a random pair of jeans, tugging on my new clothes before picking up the cordless phone next to his bed and heading into the bathroom, dialing Demyx's cell phone number as I went.

He picked up on the second ring, just as I was squeezing toothpaste onto the spare toothbrush he always kept under his sink.

"Hey, Dem," I said, not waiting for a verbal answer. "Got any news for me?"

"There's no one but Roxas anywhere near the house, Axel," he said. "And he looks pretty worried, all pacing and whatnot."

"Are you sure?" I asked as I quickly brushed my teeth.

"Yeah…" he said. "I don't know why Xemnas hasn't come after you."

"Beats me," I scoffed. "Unless…"

"What?" he asked. "What is it?"

"Unless it was his plan for me to escape all along," I said. "He left me completely alone, without any security. He must have known I would at least try to run."

"You think he just wanted something else to hold over your head?" he asked.

"It's a possibility," I sighed. "Either way, I have to go back. I have to see Roxas."

"Okay," he said. "I'll go back to the castle and see what I can dig up."

"Be careful," I said. "Remember, you know nothing about where I went."

"You be careful too, Axel," he said. "Talk to you later."

"Bye," I said before opening a portal to my house in Twilight Town.

I couldn't wait to see Roxas. It was a physical need at this point. I heard his voice as I neared the door and it sounded like he was talking to someone. As I entered the house, I picked up snippets of Xemnas' voice from the other end of a telephone conversation. I became enraged, taking the phone from Roxas' grasp as he said, "I'm not a–"

"Don't ever call my house again, you hear?" I yelled, hanging up the phone before taking a deep breath to quell my hatred.

"Axel!" Roxas said, his voice ringing with joy at the sight of me. He held me tightly, his touch exactly what I needed at the moment.

I returned his gesture, saying, "Sorry I had you worried." I had to fight to keep the tears back as I buried my face in his hair, taking in the smell of him.

He looked up at me, his eyes searching my face as he asked, "What happened?" Perceptive Roxas…

"It's a long story," I said, blinking away the water at my eyes.

"We have time," he said, retreating from my grasp. "I can listen. I don't know if I'll be able to help at all, but if you want to talk about it, I–"

I couldn't hold out any longer. I needed him. I needed him like I needed to breathe. I pressed my lips firmly to his, sandwiching him between the wall and my own body. I wanted to explore every inch of him like I never had before. I needed to be with him, before I was fouled even more. I pulled him closer into me, the urge to make him mine swelling uncontrollably. I knew I was crying as I breathed his name over and over again. I finally had him back in my arms and I would make the most of this moment.

I took his face between my hands, retreating a bit to look at him and growl, "Mine." I took his lips once again, proving the fact that he was mine. No one else would touch him again. I would make sure that my hands would be the only hands to ever touch him like _this_ again. I reached down to squeeze his marvelous little bottom, rewarded by his gasp. He didn't even realize how crazy he could make me.

"Axel,' he said against my lips. He gasped again as I slid the tips of my fingers under the rim of his boxers. I wanted to feel his skin against mine and all these clothes were getting to be annoying. "Axel, wait," he said, feebly trying to push me away. "Stop."

At first I thought I'd gone too far, but then I pulled away to look at his face, seeing the lust in his eyes. "You don't really want me to stop," I purred, smiling.

"No," he gulped, his blush spreading to his ears, "I really don't." He traced little circles on my chest, never looking me in the eye as he continued, "I want you, but I want to know that you're really alright first."

I cupped his chin in my hand, pulling it up so he had to look at me and said, "I'm definitely alright now."

I smiled, kissing him with renewed passion as he breathed, "Bedroom?"

That was it for me. That was the only word that needed to be said. I had his consent now. I lifted him into my arms, all but running him upstairs to my bedroom, setting him down on the bed, and crawling on top of him. I had to get this God forsaken fabric off of him _now_. It was a barrier between his skin and mine and I could not have that. I pushed his soft cotton shirt up, lowering my lips to his belly as my hands went to undo the button of his jeans. I tugged them down, my eyes zeroing in on the growing erection hidden by his boxers.

I hadn't been able to be with him like this in over a year. I didn't know if I could wait any longer without going completely bonkers. I needed him now. It was a need that was now greater than my need to breathe. If I didn't have him now, I felt like I would fall to pieces. But I waited. I waited and I was patient, leaning over him to take his lips before palming his erection through his boxers.

I smiled when he kicked his pants off and all but tore off the underwear, throwing them in the general direction of the floor before asking, "You're a little overdressed, aren't you?"

I chuckled at this, positioning myself over him in such a way that his hardened shaft rested over the bulge in my pants. "I suppose I am," I said. "You want to help fix that?"

He undressed me agonizingly slowly, unbuttoning my shirt before letting the fabric slip off of my shoulders and skimming his hands down my torso. He looked up at me as the tips of his fingers drifted under the top of my pants. It took him a minute to undo the fastenings on my jeans, but he was finally able to push them off of me as well.

I kicked the material onto the floor, looking back just in time to see him gulp, staring with wide eyes at my rigid erection. His mouth hung slightly open and it took all I had to keep from laughing at his expression. He'd had quite the same reaction when he'd first seen me back in my room at the castle. I was aware that I was on the bigger end of the spectrum and that this made Roxas very nervous.

My thoughts were interrupted when he gripped me, his eyes widening even more.

I tried not to think about his hand on me as I said, "You're cute when you're flustered."

"Axel," he said with a gulp, "I think we might have a problem."

"Hmm?" I asked, reaching down to place my hand over his. I wanted desperately for him to move that hand, but I wouldn't say such.

He licked his lips and said, "I don't think… uh… I don't think I can fit… that."

I let out a small chuckle, leaning down to whisper to him, "Who said you had to bottom?"

I fell to my knees before him, watching him as he watched me, waiting to see what I would do. I loved the look on his face as I began to pleasure him with my mouth, licking the underside of his cock from base to tip. I'd done this to him countless times now, but of course this was like the first for him. I knew what he liked and I knew exactly what would make him moan.

I wanted him so badly. I wanted to feel him inside of me, but I also wanted him to get the most out of this experience. I was sending warmth through my touch as I worked him to his peak. I knew he was close now, but I couldn't bring myself to stop touching him.

It was only when he spoke that I forced myself to stop, "Axel… Axel… I'm gonna…"

"Wait," I said, moving away from him to search for the bottle of lubricant that had been collecting dust at the back of my nightstand drawer. "I want you inside me," I said as I spread the lubricant over his length.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Most definitely," I said as I hovered over him. I kissed him passionately, my lips adventuring down his jaw to his neck. I gently bit at his collarbone, looking at him to be certain I hadn't just made a mistake. When I saw nothing but bliss on his face, I continued, sitting up and moving myself over him.

I watched his eyes, wanting to drink in the look on his face as I settled onto him. He was bigger than I'd expected and it hurt me a little, but the feel of him inside me more than compensated for any pain I felt. I moved, sliding all the way down until he was completely inside me, and smiled.

"You okay?" he asked, placing his hands on my hips.

"More than okay," I said, leaning to kiss him once more before beginning to ride him. _This_ was my first time. I didn't care what anyone else had done to either one of us. This moment was a first for both of us, and I would count it as such for the rest of my life.

He started to move with me then, picking up the pace as he reached to stroke me. Only he could give me so much satisfaction, and I loved every moment of it. I gasped, my mind fogging over with pleasure for a split second when he hit that spot deep inside of me. He paused for a moment, smiling before thrusting into me again at the same angle.

"G-God, Roxas," I said, panting as I clutched the sheets on either side of our bodies. "Don't stop!"

We were really together now, a single entity in this moment. No one would ever truly separate us again. This was our moment, and I wanted it to last forever. I felt him getting close to his climax, clenching myself tightly around him to aid in his release. I needed to feel his essence inside of me. I needed it now.

He threw his head back and let out a small scream as he came, his warm fluids filling me. Seconds later, I felt my own mind-numbing release as it shot out onto his belly and hand. I leaned forward, barely supporting my weight as I kissed him, then panting as I pulled off of him.

He looked over at me and asked, "Do you want to…" He gestured to me before motioning to himself and I caught the gist of what he was trying to communicate.

"Next time," I said. As much as I wanted to fuck his brains out, I didn't think I had the ability to go again right now.

I glanced over just in time to see him gather a bit of my cum on his fingers, licking it up. His actions made me rethink my earlier notion of not being able to perform again as I felt myself twitch at the sight.

"That," I said, rolling over to trace circles on his stomach, "was so sexy."

"Want some?" he asked, motioning to himself.

"Do I taste good?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Kiss me and find out," he said with a smile as me moved closer to me.

My mouth turned up in a smile as I touched my lips to his. He immediately parted his lips to allow entry into his mouth and I took the opportunity. Our tongues twirled around in his mouth for a while before he took to sucking on mine, groaning into my mouth, which caused me to seriously rethink my earlier notion. If he kept this up, I would be upright and ready to go in no time.

"So do you taste good?" he asked when he finally stopped torturing me.

"On you," I said with a smile, "most definitely." I leaned into him, breathing in the smell of him.

He put his head against my chest and said, "Love you."

My heart skipped a beat at this and I smiled. When I'd told him before, we were both hurried, pressed for time. I was worried that he might not have been sincere. I'd thought that maybe he was only returning my words and didn't really mean what he said. But now, he'd said it first.

"I love you too," I said, "more than words can describe."

It was the truth. No one could possibly love him more than I did. Our lives might not have been perfect, and he might not have even remembered his, but nothing was more real or more perfect than our love for each other.

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><p><strong>AN: Another chapter finished. One down, several to go. It's very hard to make a scene like that's already been seen interesting from the other person's point of view. Hopefully, I didn't disappoint. Thank you once more to everyone who has supported me thus far. I couldn't do it without you guys. Thanks for reading. Your review would be greatly appreciated.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>The sun woke me up as it shone across my face the next morning. Roxas lay next to me, still sleeping soundly, though he looked uncomfortable. I sprinted into my bathroom, wetting a washcloth with warm water before coming back into the bedroom and cleaning him up. I thought about slipping him into some sort of clothes, or at least boxers, but his bare skin looked so beautiful in the morning light. I just couldn't bring myself to cover him.<p>

After gazing at his beautiful form for a while, I decided to go take a quick shower now so I didn't have to miss a moment of his wakeful hours. The spray felt divine on my skin, loosening up some tight muscles and washing away the grime from last night's activities. I was definitely sore, but also very happy. I had decided to count last night as when I had lost my virginity. In my eyes, that was the one that really mattered. I would not allow the other one to even cross my mind.

I slipped into a pair of blue and black striped pajama bottoms after my shower and went to lay next to Roxas until he woke up. I watched him sleep for at least half an hour before his eyes fluttered open. My cell phone happened to be vibrating on the bedside table, so it would be safe to assume that was what woke him up. Damn phone.

I took his hand and kissed it when he reached for the phone. "Just let it ring."

"Okay," he said contently as he rolled onto his side to lay his head on my chest. A moment later he asked, "So you thought it would be a nice idea to shower without me?"

"I was going to invite you," I said playfully, "but I couldn't stand the thought of waking you up." I ran my fingers through his hair. As much as I loved the idea of having him in the shower with me, he was gorgeous when he slept and I didn't want to miss a minute of it. "You're so cute when you're asleep."

He half chuckled as he said, "Couldn't stand the thought of _covering _me up either, it seems."

I smiled and lifted his face for a kiss. Our moment was interrupted by the sound of the phone downstairs. I thought it was over when the ringing died down, but I groaned in protest when my cell phone began to vibrate again.

"Maybe you should answer that," Roxas suggested.

I sighed when my phone beeped twice, signaling a new voicemail. I leaned over Roxas, picking it up and going to my message box. "_You have one unheard message. First unheard message: Damn, Axel, pick up the phone. I'm so sooo sorry, man. They ganged up on me and started asking all these questions and I didn't have a choice. Xemnas is on his way there right now. Please answer the phone. End of message to erase this message press-_"

My mind went numb and I couldn't think straight. I began to act on instinct, dropping my phone without even hanging up and going into panic mode. As I was clambering out of bed, I said to Roxas, "You have to leave. Now."

I threw him a pair of his jeans as he asked, "What? Why?"

"No time to explain," I said, running downstairs with him in tow. He had to leave before Xemnas got here. I didn't know what he would do to him if he saw him here after I ran away. I didn't know if he felt that was a breach of contract or not. My top priority now was getting Roxas to safety. I didn't care what happened to me. "Just go. Take my car. I don't care where you go, just go somewhere safe. Somewhere I don't know about. Stay gone at least the rest of the day and don't come near the house until you see the front porch light on, okay?" Please, please, understand.

"Axel, what's this about?" he asked with tears running down his face. I hated to see him like this, but he had to go. "I know something's been going on with you and I've tried not to pry, but now I have to know."

_You wouldn't understand_. "I'll explain everything when you get back," I said. If I wasn't chopped into tiny little pieces and served on kabobs by then, maybe I would explain. I kissed the top of his head, likely the last kiss I would be able to give him for a while. "I love you. Just please, go."

"No," he said, shoving himself away from me. "You can't just fuck me then tell me to leave! I want an explanation now!"

I winced at the severity and sincerity of his words. Was that what he thought this was? Did he think I was just using him for sex? No, that wasn't right at all. "There's no time to tell you everything," I said gently, "but I promise you, I'll be here when you get back." Probably lies. "In a few minutes, seconds even, someone is going to be here with the intent to harm. Please, I need to know you'll be safe." I rushed to him, bringing him back into my arms and holding him tightly against me, crying as I said, "I don't want to lose you again!"

"Again?" he asked, backing away slightly.

I pushed him toward the back door, not even bothering to rectify my slip-up. "Dammit, Roxas, please just go! I don't want them to-"

I gasped when there came a knock on the door. That surprised me. I didn't think the Organization would bother knocking at my front door.

Demyx's voice came from the other side of the door, "It's over, Axel. No use running now. Believe me, I tried."

_What the fuck is he doing? _I thought to myself as I went to the door to let in my best friend. _Is he working for them? _"Hello, Demyx," I spat as I opened the door and he tripped into the house. Typical of him.

"A-Axel," he stuttered. I could tell that he didn't want to be in this situation so whatever he'd done to betray me, he obviously hadn't had a choice in the matter. That didn't stop me from being angry though.

"Well?" I asked. _Please tell me you have a backup plan in that head of yours_.

"I'm sorry, Axel," he said, lip quivering. "Xemnas sent me to t-tell you that you still have a d-debt to settle. Y-You are to l-leave R-Roxas under m-m-my watch until his terms are m-met." There was sorrow and regret in his eyes as he spoke. He knew what those words meant for me.

"Oh, so he sent his bitch to make me?" I said, trying to sound unaffected to anyone who might be listening. I didn't mean to actually make Demyx mad, but he looked severely pissed for a split second, then surprised as his power over water caused a pipe to burst in the kitchen. "Demyx, I swear, if you flood my house..." I sighed, trying to keep my own anger under control before I summoned fire.

"I'm sorry, Axel," he said, biting his lip. "It just happened. I didn't mean to..."

I took a few deep breaths, calming myself as I went to look at the pipe. It had been a small one, and there wasn't much damage. All that remained when I shut the water off was about a centimeter of water on the linoleum. I had gotten soaked, though.

I grabbed a small towel as I made my way back into the living room and said, "Well, Dem, I'd say you owe me quite a bit in water damages, but if you get the fuck out of my house right now, I might just let it slide." I threw in a wink for his benefit. It looked like he was scared out of his mind of me right now.

He gulped, "I can't do that, Axel. I... If you don't go..."

I chuckled and said, "Well Xemnas will just have to be disappointed. Because I'm not going." I had to get Roxas and Demyx out of here somehow. How, I didn't know. I was still working out the details.

"Axel, he's pissed that you skipped out on him after..." he paused, wincing, "and he found out about... I'm afraid it wasn't a request." he moved closer to me, saying, "I'm here to collect you. You can come without a fight, or... Or I can get Xaldin to come and get you."

"Coward," I said, once again winking at him. I had to let him know that I knew he was just doing what he had to. "Remind me never to trust you again. I'd like to see you try to make me come with you. Or run back to Xaldin and see if I give a shit. You can run along to Xemnas and tell him that if he wants me, he can come and get me himself."

Xaldin's voice entered the scene, "That can be easily arranged. He's just outside."

"X-Xaldin," I said. I hadn't been expecting him to be here. I also hadn't been expecting Xemnas to hold off this long. If he brought Xaldin along, then he was relying primarily on brute strength to catch me. I did not want to get beaten to a pulp, and I did not want Xaldin to get his hands on Roxas. Spinning, I hastily grabbed Roxas and sprinted toward the open back door. I hadn't seen Roxas so scared since I'd found him again. I wanted to shield him from this, but as soon as I tried running, Xaldin called wind to blow the back door shut.

I was going to open a portal, but Xaldin said, "We'll follow you."

"You can't run away, Axel," Demyx said, a sorrowful tone to his voice. "Nowhere to run."

"Axel..." Xaldin chuckled, stepping closer to Roxas and me, "don't you know you can't turn on the Organization?"

"No fucking shit, Sherlock," I spat, releasing Roxas so I could call fire to my hands without scarring him. Fire versus wind. I think I had the upper hand here.

Demyx inched back to stand beside Roxas as Xaldin spoke, "Xemnas would very much like to see you now, along with our little lost lamb. But we'll save the best for last, right?"

"You'd better go with him, Axel," Demyx warned.

"Let me go!" Roxas shouted, the first thing that had come out of his mouth since this ordeal began. I jumped, not having expected him to shout like that.

"Get your hands off him, Demyx," I hissed when I saw what was happening. No one was going to take him away from me. No one.

I saw his grip loosen until Xaldin said, "Don't you dare. He's got some explaining to do after we get this all sorted out." He smiled, inching closer to us. I put myself between him and Roxas, but they still made eye contact. "Oh, yes. You're definitely in for a treat."

"No!" I roared, sensing my fury beginning to rise. "You're not going to touch him! I won't let that happen!" I was calling more fire, not yet unleashing it, simply building it up inside of me until it was ready to burst. No one was going to hurt Roxas.

Xaldin was now inches away from me as he asked, "Oh, really? I don't think either of you have much of a choice in the matter. You're both traitors now." Shit. He leaned past me, closer to Roxas and asked, "Do you know what we do with traitors?" He lifted his hand, touching Roxas' cheek. Roxas slapped his hand away, but not before I snapped.

"Don't touch him!" My whole body was shaking, and there was enough fire energy stored in my body to blow up the whole building if I wasn't careful.

"Do try not to burn your house down, Axel," Xaldin said, picking up on that fact. He shoved his way past me, taking Roxas' free arm. "What would the neighbors think?"

"Let him go, Xaldin," I said, backing away from them enough to not severely burn Roxas if I let this energy go. "Demyx, don't make me tell you again."

"Uh..." Demyx said with a gulp. "I-I don't think I can do that, A-Axel."

I was shaking severely now, fire burning in every cell in my body, begging to be released into the world. _Shall I kill you here, Xaldin, or wait? Bide my time. You'll get yours in the end. Trust me. You all will_. No one would ever hurt Roxas again. Not on my watch. I saw some sort of exchange between Xaldin and Demyx before Demyx let go of Roxas' arm. Xaldin, however, was still holding him.

"Axel," Demyx said in a soothing voice, walking toward me.

"Let. Him. GO!" I said, finally releasing my flames. They washed over me, bathing me in their heat before leaving my body, spiraling around me. This was my power, and this would be the way Xaldin would meet his end.

Before I knew what was happening, my fire was being put out and I could no longer breathe. It took me a few seconds before I realized that Demyx was holding me inside a sphere of water. I saw a distorted version of the world as Roxas tried to run to me, but was held back by Xaldin. I tried to move, to swim if I could, but the current inside this strange sphere was too strong. It was keeping me in my place. I held on as long as I could, just long enough to apologize to Roxas. My body needed oxygen badly enough to force me to take a breath of whatever was available. It wasn't long before I simply blacked out, leaving me wondering when and if I would ever open my eyes again.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading my stories. It still amazes me that people like my stuff. It's mind-blowing and humbling. :) Thank you for reading. Reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>A warm body was pressed into me when I woke. I reached over to touch it before discovering that I couldn't. Something was in my way. I then realized that I couldn't feel my hands and I was more than a little uncomfortable.<p>

"Roxas?" I asked, opening my eyes to the blurry sight of red velvet and sweet smelling smoke drifting in the air.

"Guess again," came the sing-song voice of the Superior of the in Between.

"Fuck," I groaned, trying and failing to twist away from the body I now knew to be Xemnas'. I looked up at my hands to see what was keeping me from moving and was appalled to see two sets of handcuffs restraining me to his four-poster bed. I groaned again, too groggy to really understand what was going on yet. I pulled weakly at the metal, trying to free myself to no avail. "I told you that you didn't have to do this," I said, my words slightly slurring together.

"You have recently, very effectively shown me that I have no other choice. I don't want you slipping away from me again."

"I thought you liked the challenge," I questioned, trying to blink away this fog in my mind.

"Your hands get in the way," he answered, smiling as he pressed into my side.

"You set me up to run away," I said, trying to sound more fierce than I did.

"You ran away on your own," he said with a chuckle. "I was going to go easy on you this time, but I don't think you deserve it."

"Oh, come on," I said with and exasperated breath. "Give me a break. I just barely got over the last time, Xemnas."

"Yes, you seem to have healed quite well," he said, rolling over and leaning an elbow on my stomach. "Well, you won't be looking quite so pretty after I'm done with you." I tried to pull away, which only resulted in him wrapping his arm around my torso and pulling me closer to him. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked. "No running this time, pretty boy."

He leaned into me, his body forming to mine as his teeth grazed my neck and his hand roamed down my body, going under the waistband of my pajama bottoms to caress my length.

"No!" I exclaimed, twisting my body away from him as best I could. "Stop this. Stop it!"

He allowed me to turn my lower body away from him, his hand sliding onto my hip as he said, "I believe you owe me something."

"I don't owe you shit," I spat, bringing my knees up in a worthless effort to keep him from further violating me. "Go to hell, Xemnas."

"You know, Axel," he said with a sigh, leaning on his elbow and trailing a finger across my abdomen. "Our relationship doesn't have to be disagreeable."

I glared at him and said, "We don't have a 'relationship,' Xemnas. And if we did, I wouldn't find it _agreeable _in the slightest. It's just a contract that I'm obligated to fulfill. Once I have, you will never see me or Roxas again."

"All the more reason to have fun with you now," he said with a smile. He pulled away from me, looking me over with a contemplative look on his face as he said, "I just wish it wouldn't have to be a repeat of last time. I don't want to have to fight you for it. You know, it could be quite enjoyable for you as well. I could make you feel things you've never felt before and are never likely to feel with anyone else."

"Why is my consent such a big deal for you?" I asked as he returned to his original position. "You get to fuck me either way." My stomach churned at my own words, realizing that that was exactly what was about to happen again.

He paused before answering, "Because believe it or not, I actually find you to be very appealing, sexually and otherwise. And while taking you by force is quite enjoyable, I want to _experience _you. I want to experience what it's like to be with you when you're willing."

"Sorry," I said flatly. "That's never going to happen."

He stared lustily into my eyes as he said, "Hmm... What if I told you that I wouldn't consider our contract to be fulfilled until you're with me consensually a few times?"

I blanched. "You wouldn't say that though... would you?"

"I might," he said, a slow smile spreading across his face as he took in my reaction.

I gulped, my stomach twisting into painful knots as I asked, "What constitutes 'a few times' then?" Please don't let me have to do this any more than is absolutely necessary. I didn't even want to have to do this at all, let alone "a few times."

"That depends on how well I'm satisfied," he said simply.

"Twice?" I asked, grasping at straws. "Three times? More? How long am I going to have to keep this up? You can't keep me here forever. You have to let me go. You have to." I was beginning to panic now. Just how long was this going to continue? For all I knew, it could be years before he would consider that god-forsaken contract to be fulfilled.

"And I will," he said, stroking my cheek tenderly. "Once our contract is complete."

"When will that be?" I asked, straining against my restraints. "A week? A month? A year? Five years? I want an answer in the form of an amount of time, please."

"Patience," he said with a chuckle. "I already told you. It all depends on you. Do a good job and you'll be out of here before you know it. Now..." He reached over me into the chest of drawers beside the bed and pulled out a set of keys. "Should I unlock those cuffs... or not?"

"Are you really going to make me do this?" I asked quietly, licking my dry lips.

He paused for a moment, staring at the keys in his hand before saying, "Yes, I think I will. I don't want to have to _rape _you anymore, Axel."

"Technically, you'd still be raping me," I said, my voice empty of the seething emotions I was feeling. "You're just forcing me to participate now. Under normal circumstances, there's no way I would ever really consent to have sex with you, but you're coercing me into it. I have no choice in the matter."

"I take it that means I should unlock you?" he asked, dragging the cold metal keys up my torso.

"Since you're forcing me to act like I'm willing," I said, venom filling my voice, "then yes."

I was utterly defeated as he smiled, unlocking the handcuffs. I sat up, rubbing my wrists and trying to get some feeling back into my hands.

"It doesn't have to be a bad experience," he said, leaning back on his hands. "As I said, I can make it quite pleasurable for you."

"It doesn't matter," I said, scooting away from him and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Come here," he said lightly, patting the space next to him.

I crawled hesitantly across the bed, coming to rest next to him but never looking at him.

He lifted my chin, gently but forcefully demanding me to make eye contact with him. He slid his thumb over my bottom lip as he said, "I know I hurt you last time, Axel. I got a little carried away and I intend to make that up to you. This time will be different for both of us."

"You sound like you're trying to romance me," I said, forcing myself to keep still as he brushed his fingers through my hair. "Why do you pretend to care?"

"Enough chatter," he said, slowly leaning in to press his lips against mine.

I went still, my entire body stiff as a board as he wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes, willing away the tears as I grudgingly returned his embrace.

"Axel," he purred, languidly sliding his hands down my form. "That's a start, but I don't want to have to instruct you every step of the way. You're so tense. Ease up and relax a little."

"I doubt I'm going to relax," I said, shivering at his touch. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to feel this man's hands on my body again. I would never forgive him for what he's done to Roxas and me. I would find some way to make him pay for everything, even if I had to go to the end of the world to do so. Right now, however, there was little that could be done. I knew what was expected of me. Now, the only thing that I could do was basically shut myself down and get this over with.

The only thing that kept me going was the fact that he couldn't goad me or hurt me like he had last time. He had to act civil toward me now. This would allow me to keep my anger at a minimum and hopefully the rest of my emotions along with it. Like hell would he get any emotion out of me this time.

I could tell myself not to react emotionally all I wanted, but when it really came down to it, Xemnas was an expert at making me absolutely furious without even trying. I hated him with my entire being. It was a hate that was almost tangible. The look he was giving me now, so smug and even slightly casual, was enough to put a nasty sneer on my face. He didn't even care what he did to me, not that he could anyway. The only reason he was doing this was because he got some sick enjoyment out of torturing me like this, especially when I gave him an emotional response. He could just as easily be doing anything else with me, but he knew that this would make me suffer the most. And actually having to engage him in this wretched game of his was hellish.

"What are you thinking?" he asked after observing me for a few minutes.

"I'm thinking that I'd love to smack that amused grin off of your face," I said, tightly gripping the sheets in my fists to keep myself from doing just that.

"Is that any way to speak to your lover?" he asked, pushing me down and crawling on top of me. His hair tickled my belly as he kissed his way down my form.

"You're not my lover," I spat, resisting the impulse to push him off of me. If I wanted to get through this, I had to cooperate.

"Am I not?" he asked, licking his lips as he lifted his head and caressed my thighs.

"No," I stated. "You're not. I believe you called me your whore last time. I'm just doing the job you forced me into, _sir_."

"Well," he said, sitting up and leaning away from me, "if you want to liken yourself to a whore now, I expect you to act like one."

I paused, realizing that I might have just set myself up for something much worse than I'd been expecting. "What do you mean?" I asked, completely pulling away from him.

"Considering the price I paid for you," he said, looking me over carefully, "I'd say you owe me one hell of a show."

"You know what?" I asked, holding my hands up. I didn't like where this was going one bit. "Let's just forget I said anything. Lover is fine. I can deal with that. Now, let's go back to doing what we were doing and leave this behind us, yes?" I forced a smile and drew my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.

"You know, I think I rather like the idea," he said, creeping toward me and peeling my arms away from my legs as he settled between them. "You could put on a show for us."

"Us?" I asked with a gulp. "I thought you didn't care for an audience."

"True, I don't care to be watched," he said, tracing my abdominal muscles with his fingertips. "However, I wouldn't mind others watching my _whore_."

"Okay," I said, letting out a nervous chuckle. "I get it. I'll behave. Like I said, lover is a fine title. I'll play along and let you fuck me however you damn well please, but like hell am I putting on any kind of _show_ for anyone else." There was a long, uncomfortable pause as Xemnas simply sat and watched me, still resting between my legs. After a while, I gulped and did something I would never have normally done. I began to grind my hips against Xemnas' abdomen as I said, "Come on. Don't you want me?"

"Grasping at straws, are you?" he asked with a chuckle as he grabbed my waist and steadied my movements. "Alright, I'll let you off this time, but only because I admire your initiative."

"Then let's get down to business," I said, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath before smiling and running my hands down his sides. I hated myself for what I was doing and I wanted nothing more than to sink into a deep, dark abyss and stay there until this nightmare was over. I had almost worked up the nerve to press my lips against his flesh when a sharp tug to my pajama bottoms snapped me out of my comfort zone. I hissed at the sudden exposure and I didn't even have time to protest before his mouth was on me.

"Couldn't we slow down the pace a bit?" I asked as he greedily sucked me. If he expected me to get turned on, it wasn't working.

"Well," he said after letting me slide out of his mouth with a small pop. He continued his ministrations with his hands as he spoke, "You're the one who taunted me with your incredible physique. How could I resist?"

I scoffed, leaning back and trying not to feel the sensation his hands, and now his mouth again, were causing on my most intimate parts. I tried to remind myself who was doing this to me and that I wasn't attracted to him in the slightest. However, despite my will, I could feel myself growing hard from the contact.

On instinct, I pulled away from the contact, needing to be separated from this man. I didn't care that I was supposed to be allowing this. All I could think about was my extreme aversion and absolute hatred of him. I looked up into his scowling eyes, making sure my body knew who was doing this to it, and any arousal I'd previously felt slowly faded away.

I was stunned, too shocked to react when he hand swiped forcefully across my face. The slap stung the entire left side of my face and brought moisture to my eyes, but otherwise I did not react. I knew that Xemnas could not feel emotions, but he was doing a pretty good job of looking furious. There was a murderous rage burning in his eyes as he sneered down at me. The sight frightened me and I couldn't tear my gaze away from him.

"What do you think you're doing?" he slowly asked, moving so that he loomed over me.

"I can't do this," I shouted, holding his gaze. "I can't just lay here and take it from you, you sick bastard." I kicked him off of me, sliding my pajama bottoms back up to my waist. Then I stood, rushing to the door only to find it locked. I looked over at the one to my right, figuring that it was probably locked as well. I was trapped with him until he was done with me.

I turned, pressing my back to the door and still gripping the knob. Xemnas sat at the end of his bed, his legs crossed and an amused grin on his face.

"Tell me," he said with a chuckle. "Where did you think you would go if that door had been unlocked?"

I said nothing, releasing my grip on the doorknob and sinking deeper into my defeat.

"And we were doing so well," he said with a false pout. "I'll give you one more chance before I revert back to force. And if you thought last time was rough, you haven't seen anything yet."

I gulped, tensing at the look in his eye. I didn't know if I could handle another bout like last time, but I didn't know if I could force myself _not_ to fight either. It went against my very nature to lie back and do nothing, but that was what I would have to do if I wanted to get through this. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Good," he said, patting the space beside him. "Now, let's try this again. Undress and come here."

I sighed, trying to work up the will do comply. I had to remember why I was here, other than the fact that Xemnas was apparently a complete sexual sadist. I was doing this for Roxas. It was all for him. If I just continually reminded myself of that, I would be able to get through this with as little pain as possible.

_You're dead inside, Axel_, I told myself once more as I kicked off my pajama bottoms and stepped forward. _Just do it_.

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><p><strong>AN: I went back and re-read some of the original monstrosity that was Agony of Affection and realized that I've improved quite a bit since 2010. I will strive to continue to improve and grow. Thanks for putting up with me this far. Reviews help the process. :D**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(**

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><p>I was once again bound, this time on my hands and knees, chained to the ground. I had been taken to a stone courtyard at the base of the castle, near the dungeons, to await what I expected to be a pretty severe beating. A metal collar adorned my neck, a very short chain leading from it to a steel loop built into the stone. My forearms lay flat, my wrists bound in heavy manacles attached right to the ground. I had been in this exact position, unable to move even an inch, for almost three hours now and I was certain that was meant to be part of the torment that Xemnas had planned for me.<p>

Finally, I heard two sets of footsteps approaching me. I let out a hoarse cry when the crack of a whip sounded as it snapped across my back without warning.

"If it were up to me, you'd be getting the cat o' nine tails." Xaldin's voice sounded disappointed at the lack of additional carnage. "I'm not the boss though," he sighed. "Well, at least I'll be getting my hands on you afterward."

"Thank me," Xemnas said. I felt fingers sliding across my fresh wound and assumed they were Xemnas'.

"Like hell," I breathed, tensing for another blow.

Another did come, this one stinging worse than the first.

"Thank me for your pain, Axel," Xemnas said, his voice empty of any false emotion.

"No," I said, denying him again.

And so it went for eighteen more agonizing strikes. He struck me, told me to thank him, and I disobeyed him. If he had any real emotion, he would have been very angry with me, but as he didn't, it seemed not to matter. I would get what was coming to me anyway, and I wasn't about to give him anything more than he was already taking from me. He had my body, but he was not going to break my will.

When he finally, graciously stopped, I heard him throw something metal to Xaldin as he said, "Brutalize him."

"With pleasure," Xaldin answered, kneeling beside me. He unlocked my shackles and collar with the keys he had been given and caught me when I collapsed. The sight of my own blood staining the stone made me nauseous as he pulled me forcefully to my feet.

"You and me," he hissed. "We're going to have a nice long session before you get to relax in one of our cozy little cells."

"Lovely," I said as he dragged me away.

He took me to a small side building that was set into the side of the castle wall on the opposite side of the grounds. Inside, it looked like any normal storage building. There were cabinets lining the walls, a plain concrete floor, a metal ceiling with circular hanging lights, and a few boxes littering the floor. The only differences between this room and a normal storage shed were the set of shackles hanging from the ceiling and the blood stains on the floor and part of the walls. I had no idea what was in the cabinets, but I figured I would soon find out.

I pulled at the hand clasping the back of my neck, trying to at least stand up on my own, but to no avail. I knew Xaldin was much stronger than me. Hell, he was stronger than Xemnas. This only meant that I had no chance of escaping, even if I wanted to. I became resigned to my fate as he locked the shackles securely around my wrists. I was in for a long and painful ordeal.

"Oh, I will have fun with you," he said, going to a nearby cabinet and reaching into it. He pulled out a set of brass knuckles, a curved dagger, and a taser and asked, "Which shall we use first?"

"Taser," I answered. It being the next best thing to fire meant that it would be the least damaging to my system.

"I think not," he said with a smile, putting the taser aside and equipping the brass knuckles.

"Then why bother asking me?" I asked with a sigh.

"Axel..." he said with his back to me, shaking his head. He spun quickly, delivering a forceful punch straight to my gut, knocking the breath out of me. "Don't talk so much. You'll ruin the fun."

He was relentless, striking me time after time in the same place before moving upward and doing the same thing. I could barely breathe and I felt at least two ribs crack under the force of his blows before he slowed his pace. He then began placing direct, punishing blows at every nerve point, causing me searing pain throughout my entire upper body.

"Enough of that," he said, throwing the weapons aside and picking up the dagger.

"Getting bored?" I asked, clenching my teeth as the dagger sliced into my flesh just below my ribs.

The metal dug deeper into me and he chuckled, twisting it in the wound as he said, "Certainly not. Do you know how long it's been since I've been able to do this to someone?" He moved the dagger up to my shoulder, piercing me an inch below my clavicle. "I wanted to get my hands on Roxas, but you'll do." He dipped his head down and shocked me by lapping up some of the blood that was dripping out of my wound.

"What is it with people and licking me?" I asked, grimacing as the tip of the knife struck bone. "You know, the joke would be on you if I had any kind of blood-borne disease."

"You don't," he said, licking the blood from his lips.

"You sound very sure of that," I said, trying to distract myself from the pain. "What if I told you I'm HIV positive?"

"The Master is clean," he said, removing the knife from my shoulder and running his tongue down the edge of it. "Both you and Roxas were virgins before him and any miniscule sexual activities were shared only between the two of you. In any case, your blood tastes pure. Now, do shut up or I'll split your tongue up the middle like a serpent." When I said nothing in return, he smiled and said, "Good. Now I'm going to show you just how much pain your body can handle without succumbing to death. Just try not to pass out. I'd hate for you to miss out on this experience."

With one fast tug, my pajama bottoms were pooled on the floor around my ankles, exposing me to Xaldin. What was with these people and their sadistic urges to have me naked? I backed away as far as the chains would let me, which wasn't very far.

"Don't worry," he said, waving his hand at me. "You're Master Xemnas' property now. I wouldn't intrude on his territory. Besides, I actually don't find you sexually appealing. Believe it or not, I'm straight."

"Good to know," I said, straining against the shackles. "But I don't belong to anyone. Roxas is the only one who gets to claim me in any way."

He looked up at me before swinging the knife straight for my face. I winced as it just barely made contact with my bottom lip. Xaldin's control over his strength was no less than amazing. He had put a lot of force behind the swing, but kept the blade from doing any real damage to my mouth.

"I told you to keep quiet," he sneered. "This is your last warning. Unless you're asked a direct question, you are not to speak. Understood?"

"Whatever," I said as the blade was taken away from my mouth. I felt a tiny drop of blood slip out of the slit the tip of the blade had left behind.

Xaldin smirked and knelt down, lifting the blade to the front of my hip bone and making an incision there. I could feel myself growing weaker with each passing minute and I didn't know how much longer I could hold on like this. With the amount of blood I had already lost and Xaldin still carving on me like a Halloween jack o'lantern, it was amazing that I hadn't yet collapsed. My vision was going blurry and I was growing increasingly dizzy. How long was he going to keep this up?

Mercy finally came, albeit after several more gashes along my thighs, in the form of a knock on the door of this filthy outpost. At first, Xaldin ignored it, slicing me two more times before finally turning and growling at the door. He stormed toward it, throwing it open to reveal Saix.

"That's quite enough of that, Xaldin," he said, slipping past him into the room. He surveyed me before saying, "Master Xemnas wants him to still be functional after this."

He moved toward me, unlocking the shackles around my wrists and catching me when I slumped down, unable to support my own weight anymore. I never thought I'd be so happy to see the blue-haired berserker in my life. I normally hated the guy.

"Thanks for taking away the only real excitement I've seen in a while, Saix," Xaldin said. "At least give him a salt bath after this."

"The Master will take care of him from here," Saix replied. "Thank you, Xaldin." He stooped down, placed his hand on my shoulder and asked, "Can you walk?"

I shook my head, confused. Was Saix being kind to me or was this just some kind of trick?

"Do you think you could if I helped you?" he asked, reaching to help me up.

"I'll try," I said suspiciously, leaning heavily on him as he lifted me carefully to my feet. I half expected him to drop me as we made our way past Xaldin toward the dungeon. It was a short walk, but an agonizing one. If Saix hadn't been there to help me, I probably wouldn't have been able to make it. Still, as soon as he let go of me, I collapsed onto the cold stone floor.

"I have to do this now?" I asked as Saix knelt down beside me, grabbing a chain that was strewn nearby.

"I'm afraid so," he answered as he locked the cuff in place around my wrist. "Master's orders. You should be released as soon as he has need of you, though. You know how his whims can be."

"So I'm stuck here until he wants to fuck me again?" I asked sarcastically. "Great. Do I at least get time to heal up or does he want me all beaten and bloody. I guess that's hot for some people."

"I don't know when he'll call for you next," he said as he retreated from my cell. "Your wounds will be taken care of, however. We wouldn't want them to become infected."

I didn't get the chance to answer before he turned and walked away. I heard the stone door close behind him and held out a few minutes longer before succumbing to unconsciousness.

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><p><strong>AN: I kind of rushed through this one, so I'm sorry if it seems a little... rushed. xD Sorry, also, that it was uploaded so late in the day. I've had rehearsal all week and we open in two days and I've been quite run-down. I'll still try to stick to the pattern and upload a chapter a day. Thanks for reading. Please review. :D**


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